It was a thrill to welcome back the 2008 Deputy Senior Monitor, Chris Parker, to an assembly on September 9th. Chris is now based in Auckland where he is an actor, writer and comedian. Chris spoke to the boys about what it was to be a Fine Young Man in 2008 and what he hopes a Fine Young Man is in 2018. Chris’ superb speech from assembly speech is here.

Kia Ora,

First of all I would like to thank Headmaster Nic Hill for having me to speak today.

I’m Chris Parker, I’m an old boy Christchurch Boys' High School 2004 - 2008. It marks 10 years since I left Boys' High School this year. Which simultaneously feels like it’s been forever and also only just yesterday.

I remember sitting where you are today, in a much less impressive school hall, what happened to the haunting portraits of Headmasters past that used to hang above our heads and would judge our various life choices. So in some ways, it was a very different school, physically. Technologically I’m sure, this world has advanced so fast, imagine you have AI robots with the voice of Scarlett Johnson teaching you trigonometry. And for our healths sake, the school canteen has thankfully changed. We had these gnarly things called Bulldogs. Basically, it felt like someone went to a doughnut factory, picked up all the holes that have been punched out of doughnuts, then pushed those together and fried it, covered in sugar and then charged $1. They were actually called Bulldogs, I’m not sure why? Maybe they riled you up so much that children needed to be muzzled after them.

But in some way, it’s also the same school. Same uniform. We still pride ourselves on our incredible sporting victories over Christ's College, we still call the school nicknames, and the friendship built and shared between boys which can last a lifetime are still being formed.

While I attended CBHS a new system was brought in, titled FINE YOUNG MAN. We were given Fine Young Men points, for showing fine young manly behaviour and that went as far as potentially winning the Fine Young Man cup at the end of the year.

One thing I wondered at my time at CBHS was “What does a Fine Young Man” actually look like. From my experience sitting in the assembly and hearing old boy speakers, who the school thought embodied those “fine young men qualities" there was a certain model of how they looked. They came in and talked to us about their golden years at the school and how they never gave up to fulfil their career in sport. They are tall loud men of great physical prowess and very few words. I thought FINE YOUNG MEN was one type of man. I was wrong.

I have always been certain for as long as I could think, speak, and move that I wanted to be a performer when I grew up, any opportunity to perform I would take. My weekends were filled with dance lessons, singing practice and theatre shows. So when my high school options were presented to me “CBHS or nothing else", I was very worried. Let’s just say openly right now, the school didn’t and it’s probably fair to say right now still does not have an incredible reputation of theatre and arts in this country. Plenty good at other things. Just not the thing I wanted to do when I grew up,

Those hobbies and extra opportunities I asked for and sought out when I was at school were the foundations that would set me up for the beginning of my career. I don’t really see the difference between performing to a bunch of guys such as yourself right now in assembly when I was 15 to performing to 1500 people at Sky City.

So what do I think being a Fine Young Men means in 2018? 

I think Fine Young Men are inclusive

Understanding the position and platform we as men are given and using that platform to raise up and champion the voices of others. I was thinking about this on my way here, it’s very rare that you will be in an environment of just men and hopefully, high school is the last time in your life where you are in a room of just men. With diversity comes strength.

I think Fine Young Men are compassionate

They are sensitive men who can listen to others about how they are feeling. When they feel uncomfortable they can adjust. When they feel insecure and vulnerable they can support. We as men need to become more comfortable about talking about how we are feeling. It’s not weak, to say you’re not feeling amazing. You haven’t failed in being a man, by feeling sad or low. It makes you brave to be open about that, to talk about how you’re really feeling

I think Fine Young Men are open and accepting

I came out as gay when I was 21. After I left high school and after I finished drama school. Living with a secret like that for so long was difficult, I feared I would never be accepted, I was scared I would be laughed at and mocked. These fears weren’t irrational, they were triggered from the environment in which I was raised in. The school I was at 10 years ago did not feel like an easy environment for someone like me. Someone who did not fit the cookie cutter example of what a fine young man was back then. But that doesn’t have to be like that anymore. It important for me to come up here and say proudly that I’m gay because when I was at school, no one did that. I felt like people like me didn’t exist in the school, that I was alone in the school. I'm here today to tell you all that there is, and you are not alone. 

There are steps we as young men can take to actively change that culture. To make our school safe spaces for everyone. I can already think of one. 

Our language: “Oh man that’s so gay”. It’s old fashioned, it’s uncreative and it's hurtful. We don’t need to speak like that anymore. We can use words, words that actually describe the situation without hurting others “something was boring, something was bad, something was annoying”. When you hear hurtful language being used like that around the school you have a choice, you can let it slip, laugh, try to fit in, or you can practice being a Fine Young Man in 2018. Someone inclusive, compassionate and accepting. Call it out. Hey mate, I reckon that language is pretty damaging. We don’t need to speak like that anymore. Done. Move on. It far less hurtful for your friend to be called out on tired homophobic language, then for someone like me who is gay to hear that language be used around them.

10 years ago, we were a school that prided ourselves on our various sporting achievements. I wonder now if we could be a school that prides its self on representing what it really means to be a modern well-rounded man in 2018.

Altiora Peto