Gus Menzies who attended CBHS and Adams House for Years 9 and 10 in 2023 and 2024 died suddenly last weekend.

Our love goes out to Gus and his family as well as Gus' friends and the wider community.

Boys who are attending the service for Gus on Monday should do so with a parent or family member. On Monday evening there will be members of our counselling staff and SLT at Adams House in case anyone needs to reach out for support. Which you can of course do for yourself or someone else at any time.

This is a very difficult time for many, and we have identified boys whom we need to be checking in on and showing care to. The information below is targeted to the boys and wider community and if you know of anyone, including yourself, who needs support please do reach out gui@teams.cbhs.school.nz.

Grief and Loss

The grief and mourning experience following the death of someone important to you can be one of the most painful experiences you’ll ever have to endure and can feel overwhelming.

You may experience waves of intense and very difficult emotions, ranging from profound sadness, emptiness, and despair to shock, numbness, guilt, or regret. You might rage at the circumstances, and you may even find it difficult to accept the person is really gone, or struggle to see how you can ever recover and move on from this loss.

This process of grieving isn’t limited to emotional responses, either. Grief can also trigger physical reactions, including weight and appetite changes, difficulty sleeping, aches and pains.

The level of support you have around you, your personality, and your own levels of health and well-being can all play a role in how grief impacts you. But no matter how much pain you’re in right now, it’s important to know that there are healthy ways to cope with the anguish and come to terms with your grief.

How to deal with the grieving process

While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.

·       Acknowledge your pain.

·       Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.

·       Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.

·       Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.

·       Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.

Seek out trusted adults you can speak with at CBHS, it’s O.K. not to have all your words and thoughts sorted out yet, it takes time.

There is a safe space at Whare Hauora to explore what you are experiencing with trained counsellors. Justin and Aaron can be contacted by emailing counselling@cbhs.nz

While loss affects people in different ways, there are patterns of emotions and responses that occur, such as:

Shock and disbelief – Straight after a loss, like when someone passes away, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may not believe what you are hearing and expect the person to turn up at any moment.

Sadness – Complete sadness, emptiness or loneliness are what most people describe when they talk about their experience of grief. You may cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable, or you may not cry at all and feel numb.

Guilt – You may feel terribly guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do, or about how you are feeling.

Anger – Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and have a desire to blame someone for what has happened – yourself, others, or even the person who died.

Fear – After a significant loss, you may feel anxious, scared, helpless, or insecure. If you have lost a loved one, or close friend and you may worry about how you can manage on your own without them.

Physical symptoms – We often think of grief as an emotional process, but it can contribute to physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, or sleep changes (sleeping less or more than usual).

Support contacts available to you outside of CBHS.

Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.

Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP).

Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat.

Samaritans – 0800 726 666 

Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO).

Healthline – 0800 611 116

Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat.

Netsafe- 0508 638723 can provide information about cyber bullying and harmful online statements.

What's Up – 0800 942 8787 (for 5–18 year olds). Phone counselling is available every day of the week, 365 days of the year, 11am–11pm. Online chat is available from 11am–10:30pm 7 days a week, including all public holidays.

Skylight – 0800 299 100 for support through trauma, loss and grief; 9am–5pm weekdays.

  Kia kaha, Kia māia, Kia manawanui | Be strong, be brave, be steadfast.