I can’t believe how quickly the term is racing by and winter is well upon us. There are leaves all round the school site casting that “winter is here” feel.

Those of us engaged in pastoral work at school have ongoing concerns about the use of social media by our younger students and the impact this has on their relationships and wellbeing. I will write more on this in another newsletter particularly for Year 9 and 10 parents. When our young people have smart phones for personal unfettered use, it is both useful for communication, safety, social contact and parent connection and harmful. The technology is an integral part of all our lives, but it requires safe and responsible use. As adults, we use our phones for essential purposes but can equally be at fault for addictive behaviours. Reading any forum of online comments which can range from rabid to deranged, one wonders if people would say these things face to face in real life. Boundaries of common courtesy or care appear to be non-existent.

The following excerpts from an Alliance of Girls’ Schools article reminds us that young people have extensive access to adult material on the internet and form views and attitudes from what they see, sometimes without shaping by the very adults who most love and care for them. It is worth reading:

Growing up with pornography: Insights from New Zealand teens

Issue 13/2021: August 25, 2021

Recent research shows that three-quarters of young people have seen pornography by the time they are 17 years old and that one-quarter have seen porn by the time they are 12. It is a myth that boys are significantly more likely to watch pornography than girls. A report published by the New Zealand Classification Office in 2018 found that of teenagers aged 14-17 who had watched porn, 75% were boys and 58% were girls.

The fact is that today’s young people are growing up surrounded by porn. No longer is it necessary to find a way to access a printed magazine or watch a VCR tape in secret; porn is available 24/7 on mobile phones, smart devices and computers. Because it is so accessible, it is becoming normalised and the default way to learn about sex — certainly for teens, but also for children in primary school.

For its latest report, Growing Up With Porn (2020), the New Zealand Classification Office interviewed fifty teens aged 14-17 from diverse backgrounds about their experiences with porn and its impact on relationships. It follows on from two previous reports by the Classification Office, NZ Youth and Porn (2018), based on a national survey of young people, and Breaking Down Porn (2019), analysing the content of videos on New Zealand’s most popular porn website, Pornhub.

The Growing Up With Porn report found that, in the main, teenagers aged 14-17 weren’t worried about how much they watched porn. They said they only watched it when they wanted to and usually didn’t spend much time on porn websites. Interview participants were also aware that porn isn’t realistic and uses actors, and said that it gives young people false expectations about sex and relationships.

However, young people also recognise that boys and girls can be influenced by the harmful gender stereotypes portrayed in porn, including that men should be controlling and aggressive and that women are submissive and enjoy violence. They also said that watching porn can have a negative impact on the body image and confidence of both girls and boys.

The 2019 report Breaking Down Porn analysed nearly 200 of the most popular videos on Pornhub, the website most used by 16-18-year-olds to access porn in New Zealand. The report found that 35% of content showed some form of non-consensual behaviour, 10% included physical aggression, and only 3% showed condom use. In addition, only 29% of videos portrayed some form of affection. Despite this, 99% of videos depicted the female actress as enjoying the sexual experience.

While it is ‘good news’ that most Pornhub viewers (about two-thirds) appear to prefer videos portraying consensual sex and only a minority view content containing aggression, it is still a major concern that one-third of the most popular videos contain non-consensual behaviour including pressuring a reluctant partner to say ‘yes’, continuing despite requests to stop, and signs of resistance or distress. The New Zealand Classification Office states that:

this analysis confirms that the content in pornography — even popular or ‘mainstream’ porn — is not a healthy way to introduce young people to sex. Messages around consent are problematic, and crucially, it doesn’t show the open communication and consideration necessary to have mutually enjoyable, safe and consenting sex. Porn is not good sex education.

Young people told the Growing Up With Porn researchers that they think there should be more open communication with adults, including parents, about pornography and that they want porn to be discussed as part of a comprehensive relationships and sex education program in all schools. New Zealand teens aged 14-17 also want porn to be more difficult to access, especially for children, and they want content warnings so they can make informed choices about what they watch.

We can’t look away any more. We know that young people are looking for a better narrative around sex than porn. Let’s do the right thing, step up and have some brave conversations with them.

This article has direct relevance to the Sexual Harassment survey we conducted at school in 2021 which was shocking in its findings. Nothing much has changed and if we ran the same survey now results would be likely to be similar. If you have read the above, It might be a good time to open a conversation with your daughter around this. Our young people have the equivalent of late model racing Ferraris in their hands. They would cause carnage on the roads if we let them loose at 150km per hour. The metaphoric equivalent is occurring with cellphone access.

Ngā mihi

Christine O'Neill, Principal/Tumuaki