Putting in limits helps grow relationships.

It is great to spend time with people you care about, and it is so important to our wellbeing to have someone to talk to and share everything with. We need that in our lives in order to feel connected, safe and supported; sometimes those relationships need boundaries in order to keep those connections healthy.

A boundary is simply any limit you place on something. For example, you might have a fence around your house to show that your space stops and starts at that boundary. It helps everyone know that this is YOUR space but sometimes people might cross those boundaries.

If someone were to jump the fence, for example, you may feel uncomfortable or even annoyed that they invaded your space. It might even make you feel unsafe or anxious.

The same thing happens in our relationships. We all have limits and personal boundaries. There are some actions that we are comfortable with, and others that we are not. For example, you may be comfortable telling certain jokes, but someone else may not appreciate those jokes. Or you may like lots of hugs, while someone else does not like to be touched.

So how do we set boundaries with the people we care about? Here are some ideas:

• Set aside some ‘together time’ and ‘alone time’ with friends and family so that it becomes routine to have space, but also time with one another

• Name some of your boundaries with your friends or family so that they are aware of them, for example “I don’t like when people take things from my pencil case” or “I don’t like when people go into my room and move things without telling me”

• Put limits on how much we give to our friends. For example, “yes I’d like to help you, but I also need to finish my work, how about I call you back once I am finished?”

It’s also important that we respect other people’s boundaries as well. This can include:

• Accepting when someone may not be able give you as much of their time as you’d like

• Apologising when we cross someone’s boundaries instead of defending our actions

• Make it a routine to ask before doing something - for example, “may I give you a hug?”, or “may I borrow a pencil?”

Boundaries make for better relationships.