For children to develop perseverance, they need to be challenged by things that make them want to give up. This means that parents, teachers and facilitators have to let children deal with discomfort. That may sound easy, but it's not.

We tend to step in quickly and save children from physical and emotional discomfort. We fear that we will appear hard and uncaring. Given small signals by children that they are suffering, we jump in and save them. Saving them can be by encouragement before they've had a chance to spur themselves on or be spurred on by their peers. It can be a supportive remark like, it's alright, don't worry about it. It can also be by ending the challenge or situation the child is finding difficult.

On many occasions, most of us step in too early or when we don't need to. We say too much too soon. When we do, we are simply telling the child we didn't believe they could hang in there themselves.

By stepping in we think we're telling them we care, but that's a message we don't have to send because most children know we do. The more important message is that we believe in their strength and their ability to hang in there unsupported.

The hardest thing is to say nothing and to do little. Observe keenly what they're going through. Let your face be calm and your eyes carry strength and the expectation that they will continue to try. And if they do, don't explode with enthusiastic praise. By doing so you seem surprised, which only makes them realise you didn't think they could do it in the first place. Offer warranted and specific praise, but keep surprise out of it.

Should you say anything if they don't persevere?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Sometimes it's best to let them sit in the discomfort of their feelings. Giving them the chance to really feel the hurt and disappointment helps them to decide they don't want those feelings and that they can do something about it.

At other times we should remind them that every challenge, every obstacle simply helps them to understand themselves. Perseverance takes courage and inner strength and that's the bit they have to work on. By walking away, they end the situation and temporarily change their feelings, but by staying and changing the situation they can end the feelings. They need to know they can go from feeling helpless to being in control.

Emotional Intelligence

The Five Skills of Emotional Intelligence

1. Self-awareness

2. Self-control

3. Self-motivation

4. Empathy (awareness of others)

5. Managing relationships