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Tips for parenting with older children at home

Student Support Centre —

To say these are ‘trying times’ for most of us is an understatement.

Things are unpredictable, big key events are occurring and we are often just expected to deal with them ourselves, and assist our young people and family to deal with them. 

  • The closing of our schools last year was not what students expected. 
  • Not returning to school and moving to remote learning this year was also not expected. This has been incredibly stressful for adults, and although the younger generation may not express it, the stress and anxiety is present among our young people.

COVID-19 is definitely impacting our young people!

  • When teenagers become overloaded with stress it can lead to problems such as anxiety, aggression, isolation, depression, physical illness, and poor coping skills. 

It is important to remember that young people are often taking cues from adults in their life as we cope through these same stressful times. More often than not, young people are significantly influenced by how others around them respond. If we are having a difficult time managing our stress, then teenagers likely will as well. Letting young people know that it is okay to struggle creates ‘space’ needed for them to talk about what they are struggling with.

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When we experience situations that are difficult or painful, there are changes that occur in the mind and body to prepare us to respond, often referred to as the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. 

The same mechanism that turns on our stress response can also turn it off. Changes occur again that show we are no longer in a stressful or dangerous situation. This is known as the “relaxation response.” 

Young people who can develop a “relaxation response” and other ‘stress management skills’ will respond more positively when faced with hard situations.

You can help your son or daughter in the following ways:

  • Keep an eye on their stress levels by noticing if there are changes in their health, behaviour, thoughts or feelings
  • Listen to them carefully and keep an eye out for signs that they are becoming overloaded
  • Be aware of your own stress and how you are managing and expressing it. Are you engaging with your son or daughter each day?
  • Talk openly with them about how they are feeling
  • Encourage them to stay involved with others; whether it’s a weekly zoom call with family living in other parts of the country or overseas, or allowing them to FaceTime with their friends
  • Encourage your son or daughter to exercise and eat regularly
  • Encourage developing a routine
  • Establish reasonable expectations for screen time and turning off devices
  • Allow them to express their frustration on this in a calm, healthy way. They will likely share that other friends do not have the same screen time limits, but calmly hold firm
  • Help them to understand the current situation and engage with them in a solution that works for the whole family.

There are several resources that have been developed to help parents and caregivers navigate this new environment.

Unicef provides five recommendations on how young people can protect their mental health during COVID-19. They are:

1. Recognise that your anxiety is completely normal

2. Create distractions

3. Find new ways to connect with your friends

4. Focus on you

5. Feel your feelings.

If you feel your son or daughters mental health needs to be addressed further, it is recommended you reach out to your primary care provider. Please review earlier resources and support contact details that we have provided in earlier articles and see below.