St Imulus has been whelmed by reader responses to The Bible (in briefs) in the December 2021 edition of Stimulus.

Numbers (or possibly just number) have been stimulated to read the Bible as a result of having the D(e)amplified Bible available to them – the essence of the story, minus the boring bits.

Consequently, and for your edification, St Imulus is pleased to release the second part of the duology – the New Testament – or as trendier types (in whose company St Imulus likes to be counted) call it, the Second Testament. Depending on the success of this new version, the Saint may be compelled to begin a whole new Third Testament, which will involve even more original writing. Now read on…

Matthew

An early history of begetting sets the scene for the first-up account of Jesus from go to upwards.

Mark

While reputedly the first writer of the Jesus story, Mark’s account got relegated in the printing order. His own first personal appearance in the Scriptures could well be minus his trousers. (That story however was unrelated to the begetting bits in St Matthew’s Gospel.)

Luke

The 3rd version of the story, drawing heavily on Mark – probably because Luke was a GP in a busy practice.

John

A common name for a while – and he hits number 1 for the Bible writer with most named credits (four), which happens to coincide with his placement in the order of Jesus accounts.

Acts of the Apostles

Stuff they did after JC moved on up to his next role. Luke, from the book of the same name, put this account together, following the success of his first book. In this volume, the church kicks off with excitement, people get stoned, and Apostles start writing the next section, aptly named “Epistles.”

Romans

Paul (AKA Saul), who first appeared in Acts, pens this epistle to the Christians of – you’ve guessed it – Rome. It kicks off a bunch of correspondence called “Pauline” which, though normally a girl’s name, here takes the function of an adjective – but only used as such by scholars and would-be scholars.

Corinthians

These guys were lucky, getting four or five letters from Paul, all for themselves, though today we are lucky enough to get to read them. Those that are extant (OK, look it up) are 1 Cor and 2 Cor, though what we call 2 Cor actually comprises #3 and #4, and perhaps even #5. Whatever. We just call them 1 Cor and 2 Cor. Paul’s basically, among other things, trying to get the readers to sharpen their act.

Galatians

You’ve got it – to the people of Galatia. Paul discusses with them issues of concern to some of them: do they have to do all stuff Jewish believers do?

Ephesians

Get along nicely, you guys, is a fair part of what he is telling the guys (of all genders, and none) of Ephesus. (On your next OE, go and see their stadium and the 2000 year old flushing toilets – for real.)

Philippians

Paul continues his writings, gives the folks at P a bit of a rev up, along with expressing the wish to pop in for a cuppa. Includes a popular song. Or a poem.

Colossians

A shortish letter written to a people whose home town is called – can you guess? (Yeah, you got it. Nearly.) He challenges the readers (and non-reading listeners) to sort out some of their dodgy beliefs, and dodgy behaviours.

Thessalonians

A couple of Paul’s shorter letters go to this crowd with the longest home town name. Also among his earliest missives, even though they got filed towards the back end of the collection. Paul engages in some nice friendly chatter to spark them up a bit. You’re going well guys, just a few bits and pieces to watch out for.

Timothys (or just maybe, Timothies?)

Actually, there is only one Tim, and he’s a bloke (was, actually) rather than a whole town. Lucky bloke got TWO letters – just for him! Some good tips from the old guy (who reckons he’s about to pop his clogs) to his mentee on faith and church, and the effective organisation thereof.

Titus

Another of Paul’s mates in getting churches up and running, with some good operational tips.

Philemon

Long before Judi Dench appeared as the female namesake, Phil the Bloke got this letter from Paul about a mutual connection who was a slave who had done a runner with Phil’s cash. He’s a good bloke, Paul tells Phil of Onesimus, and he’s now Oneofus. (A pun on his name perhaps?)

Hebrews

A manual for craft beer making, it isn’t. Considered a classy piece of Bible writing, we don’t know who wrote it. Bruce said he didn’t. Maybe it was written for Jewish Christians living in Jerusalem. Hang in there you guys, stick with it, and here’s some good reasons for doing just that.

James

JC’s kid brother, a colleague in the ministry, with some good tips on how to live and do stuff.

Peters (no, not Winston)

Jesus’ mate Peter got to be the first Pope (a bunch of Peters later also got to be Popes) so it was considered a good handle for these two letters. Many say it was written by a bloke who’d spent a bit of time in the fishing industry, way back before 200 mile economic zones had been invented. Pete the ‘Postle certainly fits that bill.

Johns (no, not bathrooms)

Three of them in succession. Bunch of greetings and nice things, along with some advice and warnings. Johnny’s second and third epistles won the awards for the shortest books in the Bible. Some say John probably wasn’t the John who wrote the other John piece (see above). Some say he was. Read it – and take note of what he says.

Jude

This little number written well before Lennon and McCartney sang their ode to Jude. Jude could have been another of Jesus’ bros. If he was, seeing as they likely weren’t highly literate blokes, he would have had a bit of help. Anyhow, Jude warns his readers and hearers about questionable types with questionable content.

Revelation

It might have been called “John,” except that had already been taken four times. So what better name to give it than its very first word (in Greek. The first word in English is “The” which wouldn’t have worked). An eclectic mix of content, including a bunch of letters in one combo. Then John scribes some pretty picturesque stuff that gets called “apocalyptic,” and other bits called “prophetic.” Appropriately, seeing as this is the final bit of Bible, it finishes with an eye-opening AMEN.

The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily (but just might) represent the views of the publishers of Stimulus.

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