A few weeks ago we read the story 'Oliver in the Garden' by Margaret Beames with Shelley in Rātā class. We did some awesome Oliver in the Garden artwork and started to write the story in our own words.

We continued writing these with Mel the next week and we were learning to use adjectives to describe the nouns in our story e.g. a golden, brown snail. We were also learning to retell a story in the correct sequence so that it made sense and was inline with the story. Another learning intention was to ensure we were using our full stops correctly and finding ways to know where they need to go. We also realised that connecting our whole story together by using 'and then' is not what good writers do! Using a variety of sentence beginnings will be our next goal.

It was so awesome to see the tamariki starting to experiment with using talking and speech marks in their pieces of writing. They did a ka pai job of retelling this story using their own words and personal voice. Here are a few of them...

Oliver was in the garden. Mrs Bundy called out, “Oliver time for bed”. Oliver did not want to go inside. He liked the garden. He saw some fat moths. He pounced on them. Crunch, crunch! He ate the moths. He saw a golden and brown snail. He touched the snail but it hid in its shell. “I can’t chase that”, Oliver thought. He saw a small grey mouse. Just then an owl got the mouse. “Eeeeeee”, the mouse scuttled under the shed. “Oh I wasn’t scared”, Oliver said. He ran up a tree. He climbed so high that face to face with him was a…Bright eyed, fluffy coated possum. Oliver ran back down the tree. “Plop!” A raindrop landed on his head. “Plip, plop, pitter, patter!” More raindrops fell. “Meow!” Mrs Bundy let him inside. He snuggled into his bed. 

By India

Oliver the cat escaped the house because he didn’t want to sleep. He liked it outside and he hunted moths and he got some. Then a golden snail came by. Oliver patted it and then it went inside its shell. It waited for Oliver to go away and Oliver walked away to lie down. Then he met a mouse and he said, “that’s more like it”. Oliver was ready to pounce but then… “Swoop”, down came an owl. “Yeow!” Went Oliver. Then a hedgehog came by. Oliver jumped at it. “Ow”, said Oliver. Then Oliver went up a tree and a bright eyed possum scared him away. He ran back inside. He lay down in front of the fire.

By Finnley

Oliver was outside in the moonlight. Mrs Bundy opened the back door. “Here puss, here puss”. Oliver found some fat, furry moths and he gobbled them up. Crunch, crunch, crunch! He found a silver trail and he came across a golden, brown snail who did not want to chase him. Then he saw a hedgehog. “That’s more like it”, he said, but it was too prickly. Then he saw a little, grey mouse. Oliver was about to pounce when a huge owl swooped down to the mouse but the owl missed its prey. Oliver stretched and headed off to safety. Oliver was face to face with a possum. Oliver slowly went down the tree then faster until he touched the ground running. Oliver screeched, “meow!” Until Mrs Bundy opened the door and he fell asleep by the fire. 

By Naomi

Oliver doesn’t want to go to sleep. He wants to go into the garden in the dark. Mrs Bundy opened the back door. “Oliver”, she called. “Here puss, here puss”. Oliver chased a golden snail. Oliver chased a little mouse and fat moths. Oliver chased a prickly hedgehog. He got scared by the big owl and was nose to nose with a bright eyed possum. Oliver felt a drop of water. Oliver howled and he howled until Mrs Bundy opened the door. Oliver was relieved when Mrs Bundy opened the door. He was warm and dry and in shelter. 

By Raya

Oliver is a cat. He roams at night because he likes to be outside. He sees some moths. He gobbles them up! He follows a silver trail to a snail and sees a grey mouse. Then he came across an orange owl and a furry coated possum. Oliver scratched down the tree in fear. He was so scared he ran to the door. He yowled! He curled up in his basket near a fire. 

By Lucy

Oliver in the garden was full of light and shadows, lamp light and moonlight. Full of things that danced and fluttered. Leaves and moths and trees. It was exciting! He followed a silver trail along the path and saw a golden, brown snail. The snail hid in its shell. He saw a hedgehog. The hedgehog was prickly. A little grey mouse scuttled out of the garage. Then he saw a big owl. The owl chased Oliver. Oliver was very, very scared! He was so scared he ran up the oak tree but nose to nose was a bright eyed possum. He ran to the tree. Then…He felt a water drop so he ran to the door. His owner opened the door and he drank his milk. He snuggled in his bed and fell asleep. 

By Olivia

Oliver did not want to go inside so he went outside in the garden. He saw a snail and then he saw a hedgehog but it was too spiky. The mouse was too fast. It started to rain. He ran up a tree but he was facing a possum. As he went down…He said, “Meow”. He yowled and he howled because he wanted to go inside so he went inside. “I wasn’t scared”, he said. 

By Uta

Oliver is black cat and a cheeky cat. He didn’t want to go to sleep so he ran out the door. He saw a moth as it came by. It was close! He gobbled it up. He was a cheeky one. He came across a golden, brown snail. “I can’t chase something that can only do that”. He saw a mouse on the lawn. Oliver’s whiskers twitched. Suddenly an owl came down. “Swoop”, came the owl. Oliver screamed! He tapped on the tree. He saw a bright eyed possum…He came scraping down the tree. “I really wasn’t scared”, he said. He tapped on the door. “Oliver, come inside”, said Mrs Bundy. “I think this is nice and cosy”, thought Oliver. Oliver snuggled up tight.

By Marley T