The second newsletter in this series on conversations and connections focuses on how to just listen and acknowledge - and to do only that!

Following on from the first newsletter in this series, which focused on the importance of regularly making time to talk and connect so that you develop a strong foundation for important conversations, this newsletter focuses on how to simply listen and acknowledge what your child is saying. It sounds simple, and it is, but the challenge is to do no more than this as, more often than not, this is all that your child needs. 

Listening

It is a skill to be able to listen to another person. Listening means:

• Looking at the person whilst they are talking, or using other forms of body language or verbal cues to let them know you are listening to them. You may be talking whilst you are doing the dishes or walking the dog, so you can nod your head, say “uh huh” or similar, touch them on the arm or hug them to let them know you are listening and engaged.

• Asking if there is anything you can do to support them further, once they have finished talking. 

Listening is not:

• Minimising what your child is going through or making promises to try and make them feel better e.g. “It’s not that bad”, “Everything will be fine”. 

• Taking over the conversation by sharing your own experiences, unless your child asks you to share these.

• Problem solving for your child, unless they ask you to do this with them. 

Whilst the above actions  are well intentioned they do not necessarily show that you are listening to your child and understanding the importance of their experience. It is natural as a parent to want to help your child and to make them feel better but often the best way to do that is to just listen.

Acknowledgement 

Acknowledgement goes hand-in-hand with listening. Acknowledging what your child has said indicates that you have listened to them and that you understand what they are going through. The easiest way to acknowledge your child, or anyone you are listening to, is to say back to them what you have heard about how they are feeling and thinking. This also validates what they have shared.

Some examples of acknowledgement could be:

• “That sounds really frustrating for you. I can hear how angry you feel”

• “It sounds like that disagreement with your friend has made you really sad”

• “Thank you for sharing this with me. I hear that you were really scared when you didn’t know where I was.”

• “I love hearing how proud you are of yourself. I can see that the hard work you put into your art work has made you really happy.”

You do not necessarily need to solve a problem, tell your child what they should do, or tell them not to worry about things, you just need to listen to your child and acknowledge their feelings and situation. This in itself is often all that is needed. 

Image sourced from: https://parentingplace.nz/

Jenelle Hooson

Jenelle is a fully registered member with NZAC (New Zealand Association of Counsellors).

If you wish to discuss the services the School Counsellor can provide, please talk to your child’s homeroom teacher or make contact with Jenelle directly: jenelle.hooson@medbury.school.nz