A significant challenge for parents and caregivers is to support your child by actually stepping back. In this newsletter I encourage you to take a step back so that you can motivate your child to develop their self-management skills and independence.

Let’s use getting ready for school as an example of how you can step back to support your child. The process of getting prepared for school involves things such as packing lunches and items for school and extracurricular activities, as well as getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth etc. Some ways you can step back to support your child is to talk with them about what needs to be prepared for school each day and plan ahead. This could involve:

• Creating a “Must Do” list. Get your child to write out the list, and include pictures and tick boxes if that helps. By involving your child this will help them to take ownership of the list and the responsibility of getting ready for school each day. Then when it is time to get ready for school you can direct your child to the ‘“Must Do” list.
• With your child, write a note to put in their lunchbox to remind them of a practice they have on that day or where they are meeting you after school. Rather than simply doing this for your child, support them to do it. 

Now, this next step is really important … step back! Resist the urge to hover, remind and tell your child what to do (and don’t worry if you can’t help yourself at first - just keep trying until you get there!) If needed, direct them back to the list or remind them that they need to write a note for their lunchbox. Depending on your child’s age they may need help doing some of the tasks but it is important that they are the ones managing the tasks and developing their independence and initiative. Praise them when they do well, and if they forget something such as one of their school books, brainstorm how they can remember it the next day. If they receive a warning or consequence at school for forgetting something, talk with your child about how this is an opportunity to learn and develop their self-management skills. Making mistakes and feeling nervous or uncomfortable, as well as achieving success, are all a part of growing and developing skills - for children as well as parents and caregivers!

Stepping back does not mean you are not supporting your child but rather you are giving your child the space and opportunity to develop their self-management and independence skills, as and when they are ready to do so. It is not always easy as a parent to do this but it is very important that you do this for your child’s growth and development.

Image sourced from Pinterest. 

Jenelle Hooson

Jenelle is a Registered Provisional Member with NZAC (New Zealand Association of Counsellors).

If you wish to discuss the services the School Counsellor can provide, please see your son’s homeroom teacher or Scott Johnson: scott.johnson@medbury.school.nz.