In this newsletter I am expanding on a theme I often refer to: all emotions are helpful and we need to make space for both positive and negative emotions in our lives.

Positive emotions are important as they help us to feel happy, connected, loved, empowered and able to thrive and flourish in life - just to name a few of the benefits of positive emotions! It may seem obvious but it is important to make sure that we have more positive emotions than negative emotions in our lives. In particular, if you know that your child is going through a tough situation or struggling with something, ensure that they have other experiences that are positive, such as seeing a friend, being active outside, going on an outing or simply laughing. Also, help them to see that through their challenges they are actually learning and growing. This will help them to reflect on the tough situation as something that is also positive. Barbara Frederickson is a leading expert on positivity and you may like to read more about her work on the website, The Pursuit of Happiness.

Negative emotions are also important as they help to let us know that something is wrong. Your child may feel uncomfortable or upset, for example, and it is important that they take notice of this emotion so that they can make a plan to address this. A plan could involve thinking about what it is that is making your child feel this way so they can then plan towards managing and changing this emotion. Let your child know that once they acknowledge a negative emotion and make a plan to cope with it, they are giving the negative emotion less power. This article, The Positive Role of Negative Emotions, has a more detailed discussion of these points.

All Right refers to Healthy Thinking, a quick and useful three step process to manage negative emotions:

Catch it: acknowledge the negative emotion

Check it: is this negative emotion really true and as bad as it seems?

Change it: make a plan to cope with the emotion, which may involve looking at it another way

It is vital that we make space for negative emotions and help children to understand how they are helpful and how they can cope with them. I often hear people talk about a day being a good day as nothing bad has happened, yet a day in which something bad has happened can still be a good day as you can reflect on how well you coped with what was hard or how well supported you felt when you asked for help. It is also vital that children understand that a fulfilling and healthy life is one that has more positive than negative emotions. If you notice that your child is having more negative emotions than positive emotions, over a period of time, then they should let an adult know so that they can be supported.

Image sourced from: Integrity Counseling and Wellness

Jenelle Hooson

Jenelle is a fully registered member with NZAC (New Zealand Association of Counsellors).

If you wish to discuss the services the School Counsellor can provide, please see your son’s homeroom teacher or Scott Johnson: scott.johnson@medbury.school.nz.