I spend a lot of time talking to young people about how their brain works. This is often an enlightening and empowering experience as it helps them to understand some of their decisions and behaviours. This understanding is also powerful for parents and I encourage you to make use of the Hand Model of the Brain with your son.
The Hand Model of the Brain is most often associated with Dr Daniel Siegel, who is a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Centre at UCLA. I will let Dr Siegel explain the model himself in this video: Dr Daniel Siegel presenting a Hand Model of the Brain. I think that this video is also useful as it gives a simple run down of the key messages: Hand Model of the Brain.
The key messages I talk about with students, relating to the The Hand Model of the Brain, are:
Your upstairs brain (the fingers or prefrontal cortex) are for thinking and decision making. This part of the brain is often not fully developed until someone is in their twenties or even thirties. It’s okay if the upstairs brain is flipped by your emotions but each time this happens it is an opportunity to learn and think “What could help to keep my lid from flipping next time?” For example, taking some deep breaths, taking a break, having something to eat if needed, going outside for some fresh air.
Your downstairs brain (the thumb or amygdala) represents your emotions. In the pre-teen and teen years emotions and big feelings often drive responses and decisions which is what can lead to one’s lid flipping. It is really important to be aware of this and know that emotions can still be managed by the upstairs brain (fingers) gently giving your emotions and big feelings (thumb) a hug. This “hug” helps to bring the brain back on line and make good choices. Dr Siegel uses the phrase, “Name it to tame it” to emphasise this point. If you can name the big feelings you are having then you can tame them and make decisions to help keep your brain online.
Flipping your lid is not the end of the world. I explain to students that I still flip my lid sometimes - and some days more than others! The key thing is to take a moment to reflect and understand why your lid flipped so that you can make better decisions next time you feel those emotions or find yourself in a similar situation. For example, I think about whether I need to take a break outside or have something to eat. I also talk with my family, and apologise if need be, talking about what happened and what I can do differently next time. Flipping your lid happens, it is part of being a human being, the goal is that it happens infrequently and is not your common response to things.
For parents, once you have talked about the hand model of the brain with your son, you can use it as a reminder for him. Quickly and quietly show your hand with the fingers upright and thumb across the palm, if you want to gently signal to your son that his lid might be about to flip. This gives him the chance to name it to tame it and make some decisions to keep his brain online.
I hope that this hand model of the brain helps you to have positive conversations with your son when managing his decisions and emotions. It is something I find useful - both as a parent and as a person!
Image sourced from: https://www.smithcounselling.ca/blog/tag/Daniel+Siegel
Jenelle Hooson
Jenelle is a Registered Provisional Member with NZAC (New Zealand Association of Counsellors).
If you wish to discuss the services the School Counsellor can provide, please see your son’s homeroom teacher or Scott Johnson: scott.johnson@medbury.school.nz.