Following on from the last newsletter at the end of Term 3: The Queen's passing: taking the time to talk with your son this newsletter provides two key points to consider when talking with your son about any kind of change, grief or loss they are experiencing.

Let your son know that:

1. Whatever he is feeling is okay.

Any kind of grief, loss, change or traumatic event - whether it has happened to him directly, or to someone he knows, or it is something he is hearing about through the media - is experienced differently by different people. It can be helpful to think of this in two ways:

• Grief is like our fingerprints; no two people have the same fingerprint just as no two people experience grief and loss in the same way.

• Grief is like waves in the ocean: one moment the waves can seem rough and overwhelming and the next moment the waves can seem calm and gentle. Feelings of grief are changeable so let your son know that this is normal and expected as he works through his emotions.

Encourage your son to be kind to himself whatever he is feeling. We do not all experience grief and loss the same way, and it is not a linear process, so whatever he is feeling is okay.

2. It is important that he seeks support

Let your son know that it is important to seek support if needed and make the time to talk with him, to spend time as a family, and create opportunities for him to talk with his trusted friends. Encourage your son to let people know if he feels he needs extra support or someone to talk to.

It is important to let your son ask questions and to answer these honestly, and appropriately for his age. Respect his wishes if he does not want to talk about things but let him know you are there to listen if he does want to talk in the future. 

Jenelle Hooson

Jenelle is a Registered Provisional Member with NZAC (New Zealand Association of Counsellors).

If you wish to discuss the services the School Counsellor can provide, please see your son’s homeroom teacher or Scott Johnson: scott.johnson@medbury.school.nz.