This newsletter is intended to act as a guide for parents as they allow their son access to his first phone or his first social media account.

It builds on and reinforces the advice already shared in the first two newsletters in this series but looks specifically at key steps to consider in the initial stages of your son’s phone and/or social media use.

As I have done in the past, I refer to advice from Michelle Mitchell, an award-winning speaker, educator and bestselling parenting author, who is highly regarded as a tweens and teens specialist. The article I am referring to focuses on supporting teenage girls but I feel the advice is also relevant for parents of tween or teenage boys. Follow this link if you would like to read the article in full: Setting up Social Media Safely: A Crash Course…

Key steps to consider in the initial stages of your son’s phone and/or social media use:

Think about HOW you will support your son. There is no magical age when your son will suddenly become ready to use a phone or social media without any issues or problems - what is most important is how you support and guide your son as he does so. Take the time to set up your son’s phone and social media usage effectively (refer back to John Parsons’ advice in the first newsletter in this series). Take the time to talk with your son about your expectations and boundaries and make it clear that you will be involved with his phone usage and social media accounts.

Think about setting up a written contract. Whilst Michelle does not feel it is realistic to have a written contract for everything, she strongly advocates for one around phone and social media usage. Have clear and consistent expectations around expected behaviours and values, discuss actions as they relate to the contract, go back to the contract when you need to reinforce messages and have the contract somewhere very visible such as on the fridge.

Think of the phone as yours, not your son’s: Michelle encourages parents to “own” their children’s first phone so that it is a privilege that is earned and which can also be reduced if need be. If your son does not meet the expectations on the agreed contract then you can remove privileges related to his phone or social media accounts until he shows he can be responsible. If you own the phone as his parent then you can also install whatever software you may choose to use to monitor and manage your son’s actions on his phone. Owning the phone will also make it much easier for when you check his accounts and what he is doing online. It is important to set this up effectively and for adults to lay clear foundations (as discussed in the second newsletter in this series) because as your son gets older his independence will increase and you will not manage and monitor things the same way.

Think about how you will establish clear lines of communication with your son. This point is a clear and consistent message across all of the newsletters in this series:

• Ask your son to be transparent and honest about his phone and social media usage. Have conversations about what you expect and that honesty is important.

• Let your son know that you are always ready to talk with him about anything to do with his phone or social media usage and that you are here to support and guide him.

• Have uncomfortable conversations. It is not realistic to expect your son to talk to you about online pornography, bullying or sexting if you are not willing to bring it up yourself. You need to lead the way as the parent.

• Always make time to talk if your son needs you to listen.

The challenges associated with phone and social media usage can impact anyone. Phones and social media can be valuable and powerful tools but the reality is that they can also pose real dangers - be prepared for these. Michelle strongly encourages parents to be proactive when it comes to these tools and to not have their heads in the sand.

Jenelle Hooson

Jenelle is a Registered Provisional Member with NZAC (New Zealand Association of Counsellors).

If you wish to discuss the services the School Counsellor can provide, please see your son’s homeroom teacher or Scott Johnson: scott.johnson@medbury.school.nz.