Technology challenges us, as parents, to think about our values and beliefs alongside supporting our sons to thrive with their technology use.
Technology has undoubtedly changed the way we live our lives and continues to do so. Whilst technology is incredibly helpful and should not be blamed for all of the increasing challenges young people face in their lives, it is certainly a key challenge. As adults, we play a significant part in role modelling important behaviours to our children and setting clear boundaries, or as some people suggest: “getting back to basics”.
Over the past two decades you are likely to have noticed the increasing number of research studies and news articles that report the rise in mental health issues for young people, including primary age children. Some of the factors connected with these issues include a sedentary lifestyle, digitally distracted parents, constant stimulation, instant gratification and poor sleep habits, all of which can be connected to technology use. There is an increasing call for parents to “get back to basics” including having clearly defined boundaries; ensuring children have responsibilities in the home so that they learn to contribute and develop a work ethic; including movement and being in the outdoors as part of daily routines; being emotionally available as parents; and allowing children to be bored so that they can be creative and develop informal opportunities to play and interact. Below are some “getting back to basics” points to consider relating to your son’s technology use:
Be clear about the importance of manners and being respectful. For example, technology cannot be used at the dinner table or in public places like a cafe.
Avoid using technology as a cure for boredom and do not feel it is your role as a parent to keep your son entertained! Your son needs to learn how to cope and create opportunities when he is bored. This will help your son to learn patience, how to wait and delayed gratification.
Ensure technology is turned off at night, or at a set time, to ensure boundaries and so access is limited before bedtime or for family time. Encourage regular technology free activities such as board game nights.
Whilst it can be hard at times, do not be afraid to say “No” to your son if you know what he is asking for is not what he needs, whether it be more screen time or access to a game or social media platform he is underage for. Ultimately your son will feel safer knowing that you are setting clear boundaries.
Alongside this point, support your son to gain independence when he is ready for it. Allow him to work through a solution, with your support, so that he can develop resilience and learn from his mistakes or online challenges. In addition to this, do not manage the basics of his technology for him; it is his role to charge devices, put them in the designated spot when technology is not being used, pack it for school etc. It is your role as his parent to support him with his behaviour and values when he is online.
As he gets older, talk with your son about when he will need to start contributing to the costs of his phone, and other technology as relevant, so that he understands his responsibilities.
Always make time to talk and connect with your son about his technology use.
I hope this final newsletter in this series has helped you to think about the important decisions you make around your son’s technology use so that you can consider some of the basic things in life that are important to you and your son.
Jenelle Hooson
Jenelle is a Registered Provisional Member with NZAC (New Zealand Association of Counsellors).
If you wish to discuss the services the School Counsellor can provide, please see your son’s homeroom teacher or Scott Johnson: scott.johnson@medbury.school.nz.
Image sourced from: https://www.sysdoc.com/insights/blog/board-games-golden-age