Talking with your son about the option of counselling support

For those of you who are new to the Medbury community, I have the privileged position of being the guidance counsellor at Medbury School. In this newsletter I am sharing some ideas as to how you might support and encourage your son to attend counselling, if this is something he or you feel would be beneficial. For those of you who are not new to the Medbury community, counselling might be new for you or your son, so this newsletter will hopefully provide helpful information for all of our community.

As I have done in the past, I again refer to an article by Michelle Mitchell, an award-winning speaker, educator and bestselling parenting author, who is highly regarded as a tweens and teens specialist. Her advice is also useful for students younger than this age group. If you would like to see Michelle’s article please follow this link: How to talk to a Teen about Counselling: Ideas that could make all the difference.

Key ideas to consider when talking to your son about engaging with counselling:

• Your son deserves the right support: It could be helpful to explain to your son that he is important and valued and so deserves support if he needs it. Counselling will hopefully be something that will help him to grow in confidence and become the person he wants to be.

• Counselling is normal: I have been delighted to see this view grow in the time I have been at Medbury School. Many, many people across society meet with a counsellor, or another type of therapist, to seek support. Talking with someone is a very normal and important part of life - most of us talk to family and friends when we are trying to problem solve or work through an issue. Talking with a counsellor is very similar, yet with a counsellor you are meeting with a neutral person who is trained to listen and work with people.

• This is a family thing: Make sure your son knows that you are here to support him and that even though he may be attending counselling by himself, his parents or family are there for him. On this note, parents are welcome to be involved and attend counselling sessions if this is helpful for the student and family counselling sessions can be organised. With the student’s permission, I also contact home to share ideas and strategies that may be helpful for the whole family. I encourage students to talk about counselling sessions at home if this is appropriate and something they feel comfortable to do, and I also encourage regular contact from parents if that is useful.

• Involve your son in the decision making process: It is important that counselling is the student’s choice as much as possible. It is recommended that counselling is discussed with your son before a referral is made and that a plan is in place for when counselling starts.

• Suggest a trial period and leave the door open: If your son is unsure about counselling, which is normal and okay, you could suggest that he meets me for a few sessions and he can then decide if he will continue counselling. At the end of every session I always ask students if they would like to meet again - it is never assumed that they will return again - and I always make it clear that counselling is about what is important to them. Related to this, I do discuss with students that sometimes it is important to talk about what a parent or teacher may have raised but the student’s voice is always listened to in counselling. If your son is sure he does not want to attend counselling it is important to accept this but let your son know you will revisit it as an option from time to time, especially if the issues he is facing continue to be challenging for him.

• Sometimes you need to ‘play the parent card’: If you know it is important for your son to receive extra support then let him know this is one of those situations where, as an adult, you are making the decision for him as you care for his wellbeing.

I hope that this newsletter has helped you to build a picture of what counselling is like and how it is offered at Medbury, so that if it is helpful for your son you can talk with him about it at home. 

Jenelle Hooson

Jenelle is a Registered Provisional Member with NZAC (New Zealand Association of Counsellors).

If you wish to discuss the services the School Counsellor can provide, please see your son’s homeroom teacher or Scott Johnson: scott.johnson@medbury.school.nz.