I’ve now been working as chaplain at Tamahere Eventide Home and Village for over two years and every day is an opportunity to be surprised.

One of our lovely residents recently died. Janet was living with advanced dementia so the things she could do were very limited. She no longer knew lots of people, she was confused in her speech and she struggled to walk. But she had a beautiful caring nature – her long career included time as a palliative care nurse – and she retained her light.

During the last days of her life, she drew people to her. The door of her room was wide open and our other residents visited her and her family. Some offered simple words of love and support; others just stood quietly, bringing a sense of loving presence. They came every day, drawn by a powerful need to be there.

It was hugely moving to see and a reminder of how our residents can continue to surprise us. We hear a lot about the things people living with dementia have lost - memories, cognitive abilities, emotional control - and those losses are tragic and hard, especially for families and those who know them best.

However, those of us who work alongside them daily have the privilege of seeing what they have retained. We get to see the connections they make with each other and with us, the depth of their love and kindness and their continuing wisdom. These things remain when other abilities seem to be lost.

It also occurred to me that this situation happened because Janet’s family enabled it. They’d been regular visitors to the unit and felt very comfortable with our residents. They knew them all and accepted them as they are. They weren’t afraid of them. So they left the door of the room open and welcomed everyone who came.

They did those things because they are generous loving people, but also I think because of the welcome they found at Tamahere. Janet was a lesbian; she wasn’t our first gay resident but she and her wife were probably our first gay couple. Our staff and other residents accepted them and their relationship completely. They were still so in love and Janet came to life whenever she saw Robyn.

Entering residential care is always a special risk for those of us from the rainbow community. We can’t be certain that we and our loved ones will be treated with respect and acceptance. I’m proud of the welcome our staff and residents offered Janet and her family. The love they gave was returned by Janet’s family who then received it back again in abundant surprising measure: aroha atu, aroha mai, aroha atu. Thanks be to God.