Aging with Grace and Joy

In his book on growing older well, the novelist Robert Dessaix says that time exists objectively; it’s up to us how we decide to inhabit it. We can take up arms against it - fighting against the course of time - or we can work within it - finding some way to live within the passing moments as fully and joyfully as we can.

 

In some regards, fighting against the course of time is a good thing to do. If we want to stay well in body and mind, it’s important to stay as active as possible. However, there comes a time for all of us when our bodies start wearing out. The processes of aging can be slowed, but they can’t be stopped. We’re not made to live forever.

 

When that happens, and we start to feel the limitations of age, it’s up to us how we respond. We can get angry and frustrated with life and ourselves, or we can accept that life has changed and learn to live in a new way. At Tamahere, I see people doing both of these things. Those who seem the happiest are those who find a way to live within this new stage of life, embracing the gifts that old age brings them.

 

One of those gifts is the gift of not having to be in a hurry. Our residents have time to be fully present in the moment: to sit quietly in the sun, to walk in the garden, to listen to the birds and to know that they are part of God’s good creation.

 

They also have time to connect with family and friends, both old and new. It’s often a surprise and a blessing for residents to discover that even in a rest home, they can make new friends with the person across the corridor, the man who was born in the same city, the woman who also likes to play Scrabble.

 

Old age can offer an opportunity for residents to reflect on the story of their own lives. It’s a joy to hear about the things that have given their lives depth and meaning. It can be a time for gratitude, for understanding, for tenderness towards others and themselves and maybe even for forgiveness and new beginnings.

 

Most of all, in this new stage of life, when residents can no longer do some of the things they once did, I hope they might learn that it’s OK to simply be. In the end, who they are is more important than what they can do or even what they have done. For we are all loved just as we are by the God who is Love and in whom we live and move and have our being.