Navigating digital and internet safety has always felt like something that needed to happen when my kids were “older” but the reality is that that time is now for most of us. As part of a generation that grew up without computers and smart devices everywhere, I always felt like navigating the wild west of the internet, social media, etc. was a safe enough place to make mistakes. However our cell phones, ipads/tablets, multiplayer gaming platforms are all entryways for our tamariki to be exposed to adult content, shaping their sexual health, self-esteem, and happiness.

As Rob Cope, host of the Our Kids Online cyber safety chat the other night in Lyall Bay, shared, we are handing adult tools to children who are not equipped to safely navigate them. And when our children are online, they are being bombarded with content and ideas that are not for their eyes and ears. These are not the things that build up resilience and help our children understand “the real world”. Instead, it robs them of their childhoods, exposing them to violent pornography, harmful predators, and maladaptive behaviours and self-harming thoughts through social media.

I am no prude nor do I believe my children should never see the realities of the world, but being complicit in allowing them to stumble upon sexually explicit content, inadvertently opening doors to predators, and ignoring the harmful effects that social media has on children is not the kind of parent I want to be. I know I can do better, and believe that many in our MNS community want to do so as well.

Rob was able to toss some humour into the frequently confronting material, sharing anecdotes about how his own family and parenting styles have been affected by a greater awareness of supporting healthier on-line practices. Kids want connection, not distraction. And for a generation of parents who have so much on our plates, this is tricky. How do we plan on putting down our own devices in order to model being present, show our kids that our time with them is precious, as well as give them the gift of boredom? We all have to learn to sit with our thoughts, get the creative juices stirring, as well as untether in order to learn about the bigger world around us. As we’ve just handed a “dumb phone” to our daughter as she prepares to enter intermediate school, this talk couldn’t have come at a better time. We’ve already taken some steps to create healthy boundaries such as no phones/devices in the bedrooms and bathrooms as well as having honest age-appropriate talks about being a good digital citizen, what to do if they accidentally stumble across (or are shown) inappropriate content, as well as creating more time to connect over family activities rather than staring at screens. Grown-ups need to talk to each other too! In the States, we used to have conversations with our children's parents/caregivers about if there were any firearms in the household, and if there were, how they were stored. Seems crazy, right?! And whilst we are glad to be away from that, we now know that this conversation has to shift to asking about digital access and safety in households.

Rob shared a “checklist” of sorts with parents and caregivers to show us what steps we can take to create a healthier on-line experience for our tamariki, whānau, as well as navigate this uncharted territory. I am just grateful to have some sort of guideline for all of this. Our parents didn’t have to deal with most of these very 21st century concerns, so we are out here flying without a map. Some of the content created by Rob does cost money - so have a watch party with friends, our look to see if there is other content on the same topic for free. I am sure it is out there. 

Here is the “checklist”:

Educate Adults:

Watch The Social Dilemma (Netflix)

Watch Childhood 2.0 (YouTube)

Watch Our Kids Online - https://vimeo.com/ondemand/ourkidsonline ($5 to rent)

Educate Children:

Talk about gaming, social media, pornography/adult content, predators & cyberbullying

Connection & Family Plan:

Discuss family online usage & reasons behind any change

Set boundaries and consequences in place around device use

Enact a “No device in bedrooms and bathrooms” rule

Plan alternative family activities to reconnect and put the phones/tablets down

Filters/Monitoring Apps:

Research/purchase content filters/monitoring software -

https://www.ourkidsonline.info/filters

Set up Apple Screen Time or Google Family Link to turn phone/tables into a more “safe phone” - how to’s can be found here - https://www.ourkidsonline.info/filters

He also offered a discount code for his course available online “The Big Reconnect”

(www.https://www.ourkidsonline.info/for-parents) - %50 discount coupon code RECONNECT50