Parties are part of the fun in growing up and a good way for young people to be able to mix with others.

Key points to remember

• negotiate the rules with your teen beforehand
  
• plans and boundaries help to keep your teenager safer
  
  

Strategy: Negotiate the rules with your teen beforehand

Parties

Parties are part of the fun in growing up and a good way for young people to be able to mix with others. Providing some structure about how they can do this will reassure not only yourself, but also your kids that you are there for them, that you care about them, and that they have some say about their life and how they go about living it.

Party at your home

You both should agree on some key issues. These might include: 

• what time the party will start – and end
• who will be coming
• if alcohol will be allowed – and if so – how it will be controlled
• the type of behaviour that will not be acceptable
• what will happen if the rules are broken
• who will supervise
• You may also want to agree on the area you want the party to happen. For example, that the party stays on the property and does not spill out onto the street, that guests only party in the garage, or that no one goes into the bedrooms. Agree on the consequences if these aren’t followed – and stick to them, even if it means cancelling the party. 
  
• Alcohol and other drugs
  
• Not every teenager has alcohol at their party, especially younger kids. It is quite OK to say NO to alcohol being available. However, if you do agree that alcohol will be allowed, you need to be aware that you will be responsible for supervising those who drink it on your property. In fact – the law requires this. In order for things not to get out of hand, some parents have used this strategy: 
  
• get the names and phone numbers of those attending
• talk with their parents about the alcohol issue
• if their parents agree to alcohol being consumed – get them to indicate how much they agree their teenager may have. Better still, get them to drop their teenager off with the alcohol and to meet you at the door. Getting to know other parents is useful, particularly if problems arise and you need them to collect their teenager
• set a limit on the type and amount of alcohol that you will permit – and stick to it
• let everyone know what will happen if the rules are broken
• if alcohol is allowed, make sure that you have plenty of food available throughout the party
• have plenty of non-alcoholic drinks on hand and let them know its OK to help themselves. (This is something teenagers may not bring, or feel embarrassed to bring due to ‘peer pressure’)
• make arrangements or provisions for safe transport or if you have teenage guests planning on sleeping over, make sure that you have talked this through with their parents first. In the event of a party with a sleepover, be firm on the end time of the party.
  

Strategy: Stay in control

If as host you have decided that you do not want guests to use illegal drugs at the party, and you think that drugs are being taken, you need to take action. This could include speaking with the person(s) concerned in private, making clear your ‘no drugs’ policy and/or informing parents. If you are unable to contact parents, you’ll need to be sure that the young person is in a fit state and able to get home, before asking them to leave. If you feel a responsibility to keep them at the party/under your care, you’ll need to find out what drugs they have taken and in what quantity. Don’t hesitate to call an ambulance if you think one is needed (remember that ambulance officers are not required to call the police for overdoses or drug incidents). 

As a parent – you are not just responsible for your own teenager – but also for your guests while they are on your property. Make sure you have additional help from neighbours or friends to actively supervise the party. If it’s a larger party – consider hiring security – it might be cheaper than having a trashed house in the long run.

• be involved so you can see what is going on. An easy way to do this is to prepare lots of food, and offer this personally to guests throughout the night. By talking with them, you will soon get an idea if anyone has had too much alcohol or been taking drugs
• deal with issues before they get out of hand
• invite other parents over – they could help you serve food and will be able to assist with security if necessary
• have one or more people at the entrance to your property to stop problems before they enter. Uninvited guests, those trying to smuggle in alcohol or drugs, or even those who are already drunk or aggressive – are all problems you can do without and should be turned away
• keep the alcohol in a central place, under your control. Even if it means individually labelling each drink and to who it belongs to, this will ensure that you are in control of the amount of alcohol consumed. If you think someone has had enough, then say so and tell them that you will return the remainder of their alcohol to them at the end of the evening
• if things do go very wrong, don’t hesitate to call the police as soon as possible

It wasn’t me! Although your teenager may be willing to follow the rules for the night, other teenagers may not be as responsible or willing. Have a strategy in place to deal with those that may break the rules of your house. Make the consequences clear at the outset – broken rules means eviction from the party.

Remember ...

Plans and boundaries help to keep your teenager safer. You should expect all these things from the parents of your teenager’s friends if they were hosting a party with alcohol as well. If you aren’t up to providing all of these things – you probably shouldn’t be hosting a party with alcohol at your home.

If you are concerned that your teen has a drinking problem, seek out professional help and advice. The Alcohol Drug Helpline is a great place to start and is free to phone between 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 0800 787 797.

Acknowledgement and copyright notice

No Safe Limit are very grateful to Northland District Health Board (DHB) for permission to reproduce this content from the NDHB-Whanau-Pack-ED2-v2.pdf (northlanddhb.org.nz). Northland DHB own the copyright in this material and it must not be copied or reproduced except as expressly permitted by Northland DHB.