Teenage alcohol use can impact the entire family and whānau, causing stress, frustration, and concern for parents. It’s natural to question where things went wrong, to feel responsible or to become discouraged when attempts to address the behaviour don’t seem to work.

If your teen has started experimenting with alcohol, it’s important to take a step back and understand what might be driving this behaviour. This process may uncover issues that feel overwhelming or difficult to manage, but breaking things down into smaller, more manageable steps can help.

To gain insight into your teen’s choices, consider asking yourself:

• When did I first notice changes in their behaviour?

• What specific changes have I observed?

• How have I responded to these changes?

• What else has been happening in their life alongside drinking-related behaviour?

• How has my teen coped with major transitions like puberty or starting secondary school?

• Has there been a recent event or experience that may have had a significant impact on them?

Having a clear understanding of what’s happening in your family can help you navigate the situation more effectively. Writing down your thoughts or talking to a trusted friend can provide a fresh perspective, helping to keep the issue from feeling overwhelming.

Seeing Things from Their Perspective

Young people often experience situations differently from adults. Something that may seem minor to you could feel like a major issue to them. Understanding their perspective can offer valuable insights into why they may be turning to alcohol.

A useful approach is to reflect on past conflicts or disagreements with your teen and consider ways to communicate more effectively. Ask yourself:

• What happened?

• How did I respond?

• What was helpful in that situation?

• What may have been unhelpful?

• What could I do differently next time?

By identifying what has worked well in past interactions, you can approach the conversation in a way that reduces conflict. Focusing on understanding rather than confrontation can help prevent the discussion from escalating into an argument or causing your teen to withdraw.

Counselling

If the problem becomes too big for you to handle by yourself it is important to seek help from professionals trained to deliver counselling. If you think you need more specialised help relating to your teenager’s drinking (or drug use) then please use our contact pages to find an appropriate service.

Please download the attachments for more information.