Teenagers learn more from what you do than what you say. While guidance, advice and rules are important, the most powerful influence in your child’s life is your own behaviour.

Key Points to Remember:

✔️ Act the way you’d like your teenager to act—lead by example.
✔️ Your behaviour teaches them how to handle challenges, relationships, and emotions.
✔️ The best parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about honesty, consistency, and accountability.

Strategy: Show, don’t just tell

Seeing is believing—if you want your teenager to be responsible, kind, and resilient, they need to see those qualities in you first.

Children often grow up to mirror their parents. They absorb not just what you say but how you live. If they grow up in a household where smoking, excessive drinking or drug use is normal, they are more likely to adopt those behaviours. On the other hand, when they see honesty, kindness, resilience, and responsibility modeled consistently, they learn to embody those values.

Encourage healthy independence—help them feel confident saying no to things that don’t align with their values. A stubborn child who knows their own mind will grow into a teenager, and eventually an adult, who stands firm in their decisions.

Be a real, imperfect parent

Nobody is perfect, and your teenager doesn’t expect you to be. What they do need is authenticity.

✔️ Admit when you’re wrong. Saying sorryteaches humility and accountability.
✔️ Share your experiences. Let them know you weren’t perfect as a teen either—talk about mistakes you made and what you learned.
✔️ Show them how to handle stress, conflict, and emotions in a healthy way.

Think About What You Say

Be mindful of how you talk about alcohol and other substances. Even casual remarks can send strong messages about their role in daily life.

🚫 "I need a drink after today!" → Normalises alcohol as a coping mechanism.
🚫 "This calls for a drink!" → Reinforces drinking as essential to celebration.

Think About What You Do

Teenagers are incredibly observant. They notice everything, even when you think they don’t.

🚫 Drinking and driving—if they see you do it, they may assume it’s okay.
🚫 Sneaking cigarettes or alcohol—they will notice, even if you think you’re hiding it.

Think about how you respond

How you handle stress, conflict, and disappointment teaches your teen how to handle their own emotions.

✔️ Respond with respect, even when frustrated.
✔️ Avoid using harsh words or aggression.
✔️ Model healthy ways to manage conflict.

Your example is the best parenting tool

Advice means little if it isn’t backed up by actions.

✔️ Find healthy ways to relax after work—show them that stress relief doesn’t have to involve alcohol or substances.
✔️ Let them see you model responsible drinking behavior—such as sometimes refusing a drink when it’s offered.
✔️ Demonstrate self-control and moderation—teens learn by watching.

Parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being real, being accountable, and showing your teen how to make good choices.

Final Thought

Our children become what they see.

If we want our teenagers to grow into responsible, confident, and kind adults, we must first be those things ourselves. Every action, every word, every response shapes their understanding of the world. Lead with integrity, and they will follow.

Acknowledgement and copyright notice

No Safe Limit is very grateful to Northland District Health Board (DHB) for permission to reproduce this content from the NDHB-Whanau-Pack-ED2-v2.pdf (northlanddhb.org.nz). NorthlandDHB own the copyright in this material and it must not be copied or reproduced except as expressly permitted by Northland DHB.