Nurse and senior lecturer Josie Crawley writes about her father, in the hope that health professionals, and family members, will refocus on the individual.
Bernard's life seemed charmed, he appeared to be immortal. At age 87, his only medication were eye drops for glaucoma. But his story suddenly changed - something was seriously wrong. When referred to a specialist, their communication was blunt, but not clear, accurate, but not kind, and truthful while withholding information. No health professional had clearly communicated to my parents that my father was walking the palliative care path.
I needed to lovingly navigate my parents through the health care system, to advocate for the prognosis needed to access palliative support. My father had journeyed around the world; but he had not personally travelled through pain or serious illness since a young lad. He needed a map, and a trusted navigator.
Here is my plea to all daughters, sons and health professionals - don't listen to his words alone, trust your senses: look in his eyes, at his hands and what they express. The gap between his words says more than the words themselves. For example, when he says the pain is manageable, find out what that means before deciding pain relief is adequate. Make time to hear the family stories.
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