The parent as the 'police'.

Over this term I have probably had to deal with more issues regarding behaviours outside of school than I have ever before.

I could not put my finger onto why that is, but I have one cause that I would like to address and that is the unwillingness of some to be active in the social life of their teenage son.

I have heard parents say; "I trust him" or "I can't do anything about it" or "It's his life now".

To me these are statements that express how hard it is to parent a teenager, but none of these parental responses are actually correct. You need to 'police' your teenager, especially as he develops into a more independent person.

I vividly recall an open parent meeting, held in the Library of Napier Boys' High School, one evening that was led by Celia Lashlie, the excellent advocate for boys. She split the room into two, the Mum's and the Dad's. She wasn't silly. 

I stayed with the Dad's; I'm not silly either!

She asked the Dad's a couple of questions and then one bloke stood up and said, "Oh it was the same in our day". 

"Oh really", she said. "What years was that then?" The 80's came the reply.

Then she delivered a clear message that I think summed up what we are all dealing with today, she said.

"Today your son will have access to a vehicle, he might not be driving mind you, that can easily do 180kms, he will have access to more and harder alcohol, he can catch a sexually transmitted disease called AIDS that will kill him, or he could put a chemical up his nose that will (and I won't use her word, but Celia called a spade a spade) **** his brain up for life."

And she said, if that doesn't happen he could still end up, where I work, in prison. Celia was adamant, you don't stop being a parent, there is no time where you get to sit back and say, my job is done. You need to know where your son is, who will be there, what is going to happen, who is supervising and what time will you be home. Your son is an expert in the vague - interrogate him, ring other parents, be active and do not be afraid to say no. He won't hate you, you feed him.

Remember, you have already invested at least 13 years in him, but it only takes 30 seconds for something to go horribly wrong.