One of our goals as a school is to empower our students to be resilient and independent.

Social skills and resolving conflict are important areas for our children to develop and we want them to leave school with a ‘toolbox’ of social skills. This works especially well if parents and teachers are on the same page, supporting the children. 

In our busy lives as parents and teachers we can often jump in and take over so that we can get onto the next thing. 

Avoid jumping in to sort things out before children have had the chance to find their own solutions. But if you need to get involved, use the opportunity to teach ways to sort out conflicts and solve problems. It may slow things down at first, but it leads to confident and resilient children who can work out what to do in most situations. 

Children should be encouraged to talk about how they might solve a problem – although there will be times when it may not be appropriate.

When a child comes to you with a problem the most important thing to do is listen. It’s important to get a bigger picture. Keep in mind that young ones don’t always do the best job at communicating the whole story to us so it’s important to remember that there will be alternate views and recollections. 

Let them tell their story, clarify what happened but try not to lead with questioning. What is wrong? (help them identify exactly what the problem is) and how they feel. What they think should happen? What can they do about it? Other options for what to do? (ask prompt questions for children over about 5 years 'I wonder what else you could try') and then draw out the possible consequences of each option. 

Allow the child to decide what to do and to learn through 'trial and error', although do not allow children to try options that are risky. This way, children learn they have choices in solving social problems and that some choices are better than others. They also learn there will usually be more than one option, and they can try something else. 

These suggestions will give you something to think about – I’m sure most of you will recognise these as things you already do.