From the Deputy Rector

Tū Whakahī ǀ Pride

There are many different components to an answer to the question posed above, but Tū Whakahī, or Pride, is integral to our motivation, perseverance and determination. After all, if we are not to be proud of ourselves, our progress and our achievements, why make the effort?

Tū Whakahī ǀ Pride is a powerful emotion that can drive us to achieve great things and overcome significant challenges. It is the feeling of satisfaction and self-respect that comes from accomplishing something meaningful. While 'too much' pride, or pride displayed in the wrong way, is a negative trait, it is important to recognise the important role Tū Whakahī ǀ Pride plays in shaping our lives and the world around us.

Having Tū Whakahī ǀ Pride is essential for building self-esteem and confidence. When we take pride in our accomplishments, we develop a sense of self-worth and confidence in our abilities. This confidence, in turn, can motivate us to take on new challenges and pursue our dreams. For example, when a student takes pride in their academic achievements, they are more likely to be motivated to continue studying and striving for excellence. Similarly, when an athlete takes pride in their training and performance, they are more likely to push themselves to improve and reach new heights.

Having Tū Whakahī ǀ Pride can inspire others and serve as a positive example for those around us. When we take pride in our accomplishments, we demonstrate that hard work and dedication can lead to success. This can be especially powerful for young men who may be struggling to find their way in life. By showing them the value of pride and hard work, we can help them to develop a sense of purpose and direction. Pride can be a powerful motivator for social change. When we take pride in our cultural identity and heritage, we can work to preserve and celebrate it. This can help to create a more inclusive and diverse society that values and respects different cultures and traditions.

Having pride can be a source of personal satisfaction and fulfillment. When we take pride in our achievements, we feel a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment that can be difficult to find elsewhere. This sense of fulfillment can help to improve our overall well-being and quality of life. Writing in 'Pride: The Secret of Success' Professor of Psychology Jessica Tracy highlights the positive influence that comes from developing an appropriate sense of Tū Whakahī | Pride. She stipulates that "pride is one of the most important motivational forces propelling human achievement, creation and innovation." Furthermore:

"Pride makes us care about how others see us and - just as important - how we see ourselves. It makes us want to feel good about ourselves...it prods us to figure out who we want to be and then to do whatever is needed to become that person. The desire to feel pride can consequently push us to work hard and strive for excellence."

The Merriam-Webster's Dictionary provides two very different meanings of pride: (i) inordinate self-esteem/conceit, and (ii) reasonable or justifiable self-respect. The difference between the two is strikingly obvious - one a character trait to be avoided, the other to be embraced.

Having a healthy sense of pride in himself, his whānau and his school, alongside other aspects of his life that are important to him, is an important value for your son to develop. However, an excess of Tū Whakahī | Pride, which manifests as arrogance, overconfidence and feelings of superiority, is a vice and this is what leads to Pride's place as one of the 'seven deadly sins'.

Professor Tracy also notes the impact that authentic pride - that which reflects progress and achievements one has had to genuinely strive for - can have on our resilience. It is inevitable that we will face challenges at different times and it is also inevitable that we will at times fail in whatever we set out to accomplish. People with authentic pride can put these challenges and failures into perspective: "They acknowledge them but treat them as temporary setbacks and are soon ready to tackle new goals." Furthermore, she notes that "authentic pride is the emotional response to successes that are hard-won." When our achievements come too easily or are based on luck rather than hard work, our sense of pride is quite different to those occasions when we have really had to strive to achieve what we have.

What are your son's values and the values of your whānau? Are the decisions your son is making and his behaviour and actions aligned with these values? Is the work that your son submits for assessments work that he is proud of? Is the effort he is making with his academic studies one that he is proud of? These might be questions to stimulate some discussion at home.

Healthy pride, generated by our striving to attain worthwhile goals and to be a good person, is a good thing that can benefit us in numerous ways. It can help us build self-esteem and confidence, inspire others, create positive change, and provide personal fulfilment. 

Happiness

Happiness is something that all parents want for their children.  But what does this actually mean?  

According to Eric Greitens, there are three primary forms of happiness: the happiness of pleasure, the happiness of grace and the happiness of excellence. The happiness of pleasure is largely sensory; a good meal when you're hungry, the embrace of a parent, the physical contact common in a group of young men.  The happiness of grace is gratitude; an awareness of the things in our lives that we are thankful for.  It involves taking stock of the things that are important to us and the appreciation of things 'bigger' than ourselves; our contribution to our family, the teams and groups we are part of and our wider community.

The third, the happiness of excellence, comes from the pursuit of something great; "Not the moment you arrive at the top of the mountain and raise your fists in victory, but the process of falling in love with the hike.  it is meaningful work...It is the pursuit that sears identity and builds character and channels our energy toward something greater than the insatiable, daily pursuit of our fleeting desires."  In other words, true happiness comes from striving for worthwhile goals, particularly those that make us better people - the striving that we can be proud of.

Happiness then is more about what we do to help others than what we gain for ourselves.

For all that we might wish for it, it is unrealistic to expect anyone to be happy all the time.  Life inevitably throws challenges at us, obstacles to be overcome, disappointments and failures to deal with, and grief to cope with.  These are all inevitable parts of life.  Therefore, to expect to be happy at all times is unrealistic.  However, by assisting young men to recognise the intrinsic benefits of striving for worthwhile goals, we help them to develop the tools to recover promptly and positively when they are confronted by challenges.

Parental Support for Education

Your interest in your son’s education sends a very clear message to him about what you value as important. In her 2013 book ‘The Smartest Kids in the World and How They Got That Way’, Amanda Ripley provides a salient summary of international research about the impact of parental involvement in education, based on the results of the international PISA test.

· Children who were read to regularly when they were younger performed much better in reading at age 15 compared to those who had not been regularly read to in their younger years – in New Zealand, students whose parents had read to them regularly performed almost a year and a half on average ahead of those whose parents had not.

· Parents who discussed books, current affairs, documentaries and movies with their children had teenagers who were better at reading.

· 15 year olds whose parents discussed complicated social issues with them scored higher on PISA tests and reported enjoying reading more.

· Having high expectations of children – that they will give their best effort at all times and pushing them to try harder – was also linked to high levels of achievement.

· If parents read for pleasure at home, their children are more likely to enjoy reading.

Ripley concludes her discussion on parental impacts on learning with this advice: “…just asking children about their school days and showing genuine interest in what they are learning could have the same effect on PISA scores as hours of private tutoring. Asking serious questions about a child’s book had more value than congratulating the child for finishing it.”

Parent-teacher interviews take place early in term two. These will provide an opportunity for you to obtain information about both your son’s progress to date and the next steps in his learning. Your attendance, or otherwise, at these interviews sends a clear message to your son about the value you place on his education.

The Teenage Brain

The workings of the teenage brain, especially in boys, are considered by many to be something of a mystery. In recent years this complicated subject has been the topic of several research projects that have helped to explain some of the issues facing young men today. In ‘The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientists Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults’, Dr. Frances Jensen unveils the workings of the brain in a common sense and easy-to-read manner.

The frontal lobe houses the ‘executive’ function centres of the brain – the source of insight, judgement, planning and decision making. Brain scans of people of varying ages have identified that brain development – the connectivity of the various components of the brain – moves from the back to the front, meaning that the last area to be ‘connected’ is the frontal lobe, and this connection occurs later in males than it does in females. This helps to explain the sometimes puzzling behaviour exhibited by young men.

Some key points made by Dr. Jensen include:

· Teenagers need between 9 and 10 hours of sleep every night. This is because so much is going on in their lives and they are learning so much. Memory and learning are consolidated during sleep. If your son isn’t getting enough regular sleep this will have an impact on his academic performance.

· A lack of co-curricular activities increases risk-taking behaviour in boys, while involvement in team activities appears to have a ‘protective’ value in keeping boys away from risky behaviour.

· Smoking reduces the development of the executive function centres of the brain, linking smoking to increased involvement in risk-taking behaviour in teens.

· A range of studies have indicated that the age at which young people first use alcohol is becoming younger and younger. In the USA in 1965 the average age a person first used alcohol was 17.5 years, today it is 14 years of age. The consumption of alcohol has an impact on brain development in teenagers and inhibits the already under-developed decision-making centres of the brain. At times, young men make what can only be considered to be ‘dumb’ decisions. The impairment of alcohol makes the prevalence of such poor decisions more likely.

· Neuroscience is revealing that teen consumption of marijuana is not as inconsequential as previously thought. Aside from marijuana being seen as a ‘gateway drug’ – leading to the use of more harmful substances – the concentration of THC, the psychoactive agent in cannabis, has more than doubled, from around 4% in 1985, to about 10% today. A range of international studies have indicated that teens who have used cannabis are more at risk of future mental health issues than those who have not.

· The wiring of the teen brain makes them more susceptible to addiction. This makes the consumption of drugs and alcohol by teens concerning, and further suggests that the likes of online gaming and social media use does need to be monitored so that it does not become a concern.

Social Media

Dr. Jensen advises parents to remember “the teen brain is a novelty-seeking, risk-taking machine.” Such novelty and risk can also be found in the online world. Indeed, the reward centres of the brain that are stimulated by drug taking are the same centres observed to be stimulated in studies of internet addicts. Teenagers today are the first generation to be exposed to the breath-taking range of digital distractions available today. Jensen notes that “today’s teenagers are the world’s leading authorities on technology, and while adolescents are the savviest of users, they are also the most vulnerable.” The instant gratification that accompanies a new ‘like’, ‘follow’ or ‘share’ holds a level of allure for teens that it is difficult for adults to fully comprehend.

The similarities between drug addiction and internet addiction can also be found in some of the exhibited behaviours and include, for example, neglect of responsibilities, failure to complete school work, concealing behaviour, lying and social isolation.

Digital distractions tempt teens to attempt to multitask – studying or completing homework while their phone or other device is beside them. Skipping from one task to another, responding to messages or updating Instagram, does not work, despite the likely contrary opinions of your son. Multitasking has been shown in several studies to inhibit learning and release stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline that further impede learning and the retention of information.

Jensen provides this advice for parents:

· Avoid the temptation to multitask by encouraging prioritisation and structure. Make lists of tasks to be accomplished and cross each task off as it is completed.

· When your son comes home from school, have him empty his bag in front of you and assist him to organise and prioritise his homework tasks.

· Set expectations that homework is to be completed without distractions, digital or otherwise. If tasks are completed while your son has his phone next to him or with the television on in the background, the learning will not be cemented or retained to the extent it would be without these distractions.

Developing habits such as these will equip your son with a range of organisational skills that will assist him to be successful in all areas of life. Rather than approach the issue of digital distraction as something your son needs to be punished for, think of it as support he requires in order to stay balanced, well rounded and comfortable in social environments.

Role Modelling

Social experiments have concluded that teenagers model a lot of their behaviour on the adults whom are significant to them, and with whom they spend considerable amounts of time. Consequently, parental attitudes and behaviour in relation to drugs and alcohol have a powerful influence on the attitude and behaviour of teenagers. In relation to alcohol consumption, Jensen states “Those who are monitored closely by their parents or guardians and who are given clear rules are less likely to abuse alcohol. Conversely, those parents who are less strict and more accepting of adolescent drinking were more likely to have teens who engaged in risky behaviour in college. Teens with lax parents were also more likely to surround themselves with friends who abused alcohol.” In terms of addressing drug use, she revealed “Recent research shows that fear of losing their parents’ trust and respect is the greatest deterrent to adolescents’ drug use. They won’t tell you this, of course, but when asked by researchers what prevents them from experimenting, a majority of non-drug-using teenagers say it’s because their parents would be disappointed in them if they did. So, take advantage of this power, however unacknowledged by your son.”

What can you do? Role modelling safe and appropriate behaviour is key. This applies to all aspects of life – from sleeping habits, diet, exercise and social media use, to alcohol consumption. The research Jensen quotes identified positive impacts from parents talking with their teens about drinking and other risk-taking behaviour.

Don’t hide from discussing any concerns you have about your son’s behaviour with him. However, the manner in which you approach such discussions is crucial. Having a conversation in which you are ‘equal partners’ will help to engage your son, whereas a lecture will not. If the conversation is becoming heated, agree to some ‘timeout’ and return to the topic when you are both in a better frame-of-mind. You will at times hear responses and details from your son that you don’t really want to. Your reactions to hearing such information are critical; if you can remain calm, acknowledge your disappointment, thank your son for sharing, and respond in a rational manner, you create an environment in which he is more likely to engage with you in the future; if you respond out of anger or frustration, you lessen the likelihood of future dialogue. Teenage boys generally do want to have these discussions about complex and challenging social issues, even if their attitude and approach do not always indicate this.