Heraclitus Quote

From the Deputy Rector

Hai Whakapakari i Ngā Tamatāne Kia Purapura Tuawhiti | To Develop Educated Men of Outstanding Character

The moral character of young people has always been important. After all, no society, community, or whānau can thrive if its members do not have the basic moral qualities necessary for effective and nurturing interaction. It is up to every generation to intentionally focus on fostering the development of morality in its youth because they are the next generation of leaders in our community and society at large.  

Developing our character then is too important to be left to chance and too big a task to be left to any one person, group or institution; it truly does take a village to raise a child.

Writing in 'The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character and Achievement' author and New York Times columnist David Brooks asserts that "Character emerges gradually out of the mysterious interplay of a million little good influences", emphasising the importance of community in shaping character.  Developing small 'good' habits, things like using our manners in our interactions with others reinforces the way we see the world and build relationships with others, attributes that are fundamental to our character.  However, these habits do not develop by accident.  The deliberate and thoughtful modelling of what is right, expected and acceptable, reminders and correction by parents, whānau, teachers, coaches, mentors and other adults in young men's lives - in fact in all of our lives - are essential in developing character.

Tangata ako ana i te kāenga, te tūranga ki te marae, tau ana  |  A person nurtured in the community contributes strongly to society.

Despite our individual culture, ethnic background, personality and idiosyncracies,  we have far more in common with each other than we do differences.  As human beings we all crave love and care, we appreciate kindness and strive to develop relationships.  Many values, such as fairness and honesty, are held in high esteem across different groups and cultures.  

Unfortunately, much of what is portrayed in the media emphasises differences and highlights conflict.  The Jubilee Centre for Character for Character and Virtues notes that "Rather than recognising what we have in common, our differences are emphasised – whether of identity, viewpoint or status – as citizens become increasingly entrenched into hostile camps and/or retreat into their private lives. Citizens with different political views and communities with different ideals are often regarded as enemies to be vanquished rather than as fellow citizens with legitimate perspectives to be deliberated with regarding the public interest."  

Such an approach comes at the expense of the common good; recognition of the many things we have in common.  The Jubilee Centre explains "The common good is not about flattening individuality or suppressing disagreement, but recognising the importance of social bonds for the flourishing of every citizen – including the value in citizens coming together to deliberate on the meaning of a just society and a good life. It is only by encouraging civically-minded, active and responsible citizenship in the service of the common good that we can reach our full potential as human beings. In the place of individualistic or meritocratic forms of human flourishing and social justice, an emphasis on the common good can help restore a politics of trust, dignity, respect, mutuality, service to others, and humility."

This of course is not to say that the differences are not important - of course, they are, they are the richness that helps us to develop into the people we are.  

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously stated, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” One can argue as to the scientific basis of such a proposition, but regardless of the numbers, it is a sentiment that undoubtedly rings true. In many respects, the most important tool at our disposal for living a better life is other people. The people we surround ourselves with are the biggest influence on our behavior, attitudes and results. Who we are around — the influence they have on what we think, say, do and become — has a strong bearing on our lives.

This applies equally to your son. The people he spends the most time with will shape who he is. They determine what conversations and media dominate his attention. They determine the attitudes and behaviors to which he is regularly exposed. As Darren Hardy notes in The Compound Effect: “According to research by social psychologist Dr. David McClelland of Harvard, [the people you habitually associate with] determine as much as 95 percent of your success or failure in life.” While parents cannot pick their sons peers and friends, they can prepare the path by challenging him to think about how his peers influence him now and in the future, how he can go about surrounding himself with others who will have a positive influence on him and providing strategies to assist in this regard.

Heraclitus Quote — Image by: PNBHS

Everything we do - all of our experiences, our relationships, our successes and our failures - molds who we are.  Who we are is an ongoing process and we literally are a different person at the end of each day.  However, it does not happen by chance that we learn from our experiences; we often require assistance and guidance for that to happen and this is especially the case for young people.  Ensuring that your son is surrounded by a network of people, both peers and adults, who can support and nurture his growth and development is perhaps one of the greatest gifts that any parent can give.