Research-based findings on the seven distinct developmental transitions that turn girls into grown-ups.

A quote from Anna Freud (1958) on “Adolescence” which is the epigraph in Lisa Damour’s parenting guide for teenagers “Untangled”:

While an adolescent remains inconsistent and unpredictable in her behaviour, she may suffer, but she does not seem to be in need of treatment. I think that she should be given time and scope to work out her own solution. Rather, it may be her parents who need help and guidance so as to be able to bear with her. There are few situations in life which are more difficult to cope with than an adolescent son or daughter during the attempt to liberate themselves.

Damour provides scenarios and advice on how to connect with girls in smart, constructive ways as they move through these seven transitions into adulthood:

• Parting with Childhood, where the eye roll and allergy to questions are apparent; 
  
• Joining a New Tribe, where the pull to popular and following the tribe and isolation come into play;
  
• Harnessing Emotions, when there are often dramatic ups and downs and intensity of feelings;
  
• Contending with Adult Authority, when you, rules and adult wisdom are all challenged;
  
• Planning for the Future, with the potential impact of her social media use, the tensions linked to academic achievement, social life, disappointments and autonomy are to the fore;
  
• Entering the Romantic World, a time when girls are bombarded with messages about what they and their romantic and sexual lives should look like and the importance of their inner compass;
  
• Caring for Herself, when your daughter learns to make wise, independent decisions about her own health and safety (with your guidance).
  

Damour’s advice is not to take your daughters’ teenage behaviour too personally, “to admire their successes as evidence of their terrific growth and to see their trials as proof that they are working to master the developmental strands we know well. Untangled, separate but completely present we have a better feel for when we should let our daughters struggle along and when we owe it to them to offer help.”

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