Hero photograph
Prizegiving 2016: Board Chair, Alan Aitken.
 
Photo by David Tapp

From the Board Chairperson

Alan Aitken —

Stress and pressure are inevitable for our young people but they don’t have to face it alone. Let’s do all we can for them.

How do you decide who gets the last chocolate biscuit? In our family, we don’t have proper desserts all that often. We might just have a little baking or possibly open a packet of chocolate biscuits. But what happens if there are some extra biscuits but not enough for everyone? Who gets them? When our children were younger we had, a system called ‘Adult Privilege’ which meant that the adults got the last biscuits because they were the adults. It avoided bargaining and arguments because the adults were in charge and they literally took the biscuit! It wasn’t just a way to boost our biscuit ration (though it was powerfully effective at this). It was also a way to teach life lessons such as “those who pay get the say” and “life isn’t always fair, get over it”.

These days two out of our three children are adults who pay board so biscuit distribution is more equitable. There is still one child under 18 so our older two are enthusiastic advocates of a new ‘Child Exclusion’ policy which can cause a bit of stress. Mum and Dad solve the problem by invoking their reserve ‘Parental Privilege’ policy. If you can’t be young, be cunning!

Inevitably our children face stresses much greater than the struggle for the last chocolate biscuit. It’s the way life is. As parents, we try to equip them for this and be supportive when things get a tough. Exam time can be very stressful but young people might feel anxious or stressed for all kinds of reasons. Some of these things will be passing issues that quickly fade and some will be bigger things that last a long time. There isn’t always an easy way through but there are things that we can do such as establishing helpful patterns, expanding knowledge and engaging expertise.

Establishing helpful patterns includes things that we take for granted but get lax on sometimes. Make sure young people eat well and sleep well because no one thinks straight when they are tired and hungry. Have as many evening meals together as possible because these can be relaxed times when a teenager might reveal something that happened in their day. Encourage your young people in the good things they do and celebrate their successes. Tell them regularly that you love them even if they think you’re weird. Be alert to those times a teenager feels like sharing their thoughts. When it comes go with it because these are precious moments. Don’t be in a rush to tell them ‘the answer’. Sometimes people just want you to listen.

Expanding knowledge is something both adults and young people can do. Sooner or later we all hit something that we don’t know the answer to. The good news is that there is plenty of stuff we can access that will help us all get smarter and stronger about handling pressure and stress. Three good sources I’ve found are:

  • www.youthline.co.nz The youth line website is a gold mine of great things which can help answer your questions.
  • www.sparx.org.nz is a role-playing game that helps young people understand and deal with depression and family members can play it too. It is slow loading and has wooden graphics but it must be one of the more interesting mental health presentations I’ve ever seen.
  • http://zeal.nz/livefortomorrow It has great videos, free phone wallpapers all about positive practical ways to cope.

Engaging expertise is something we might need sometimes. There are lots of good people with real skill who can help us when we get stuck. The websites above have links for extra help but don’t forget people like our school counsellors, our school youth workers or your family doctor.

Stress and pressure are inevitable for our young people but they don’t have to face it alone. Let’s do all we can for them.