At the moment we are focusing on the virtue of understanding. The most fundamental skill in seeking understanding is listening.

There are times in life when you just need to be heard, to be truly understood. As friends, we need to be attentive to the needs of others and have some delibeate strategies to ensure we are really listining to understanding. Here are a few basic tips:

1. Give 100% attention

You can't have a deep and meaningful conversation at the same time as doing another task! Simple things like shutting your laptop or book, turning off the TV or turning the music down creates a much better starting point for listening to understand. 

2. Eye contact

The speaker needs to know that you're giving them attention. This is best done with eye contact. 

3. Look interested

Smile, nod along... make noises that encourage people to keep talking.

4. Ask questions

Ask open questions to encourage sharing. "How did that make you feel?" "Why do you think that might have happened?" "What did you do next"....

5. Avoid telling your stories

This step is the hardest and most important. There seems to be something hardwired into most of us about wanting to share war stories. If you're anything like me... when listening to someone else I'll be reminded of a similar thing that happened to me... I then start thinking about that and wait for an opportune time to interupt and share my story.

There is a time and a place for sharing stories... When someone is sharing something that is important to them we should consciously think about how to allow them to keep sharing... we should be prompting them to go deeper.