Are you are feeling anxious, tired, uncertain, sad, vulnerable, lonely, isolated, empty, fearful, a bit numb, right now? You may be experiencing grief.

Grief is a normal part of being human, mostly associated with the loss of a loved one. However, grief is a natural response to loss, trauma, or change, so it may include the loss of job, status, health, freedom, social support, recreation, control, independence, and relationships. 

During the past two years living under the cloud of Covid, we have experienced the loss of some of these things. 

We may find that we can no longer join in at our local sports club or go to the groups and clubs we used to belong to, or we may be living in a situation where we are not allowed to have many or any visitors because of the Covid restrictions. 

Life is not as it once was, our normal has changed.  These changes are losses and can be hard to deal with and as a result, we may be experiencing grief whether we realise it or not. Every time we have a loss, we grieve, and grief can be messy, unpredictable, and can affect us in many different ways.

We live in a world where we think that we need to have it all together, or at least have the appearance of having it together. As a result, we tend to suppress our feelings or think that we are not allowed to be feeling sad or anxious because what we are going through is not as bad as for someone else. 

Have you ever heard yourself or someone else say something like: “What I am going through is nothing compared to those poor people in Ukraine right now.” Or “There are people worse off than me.” That may be true but, what you’re going through right now is also important and real.

There are no easy answers on how to cope with loss and grief. Here are a few ideas that might be helpful.

• Acknowledge your feelings of grief or loss. They are real and it is ok to feel them. Talk to a friend or family or your GP.
•  Find positive ways to express your grief. Some people find comfort in gardening, walking, creative activities, physical activities, talking with friends or family, keeping a journal, or writing poems.

• Stay connected. You may need to find new ways of doing this. It could be as simple as a phone call, writing a letter, or sending a card, Face time, Zoom. Joining a new group could be a walking group, a church group, sports, or a book club. Start volunteering. Or start your own coffee and/or walking group with a couple of other people you know.

• Creating new rituals. It could include keeping a journal, breathing and stretching exercises every morning, reading a short Bible verse every day, listening to podcasts, having your morning coffee on the deck with doing the crossword.

Try to stay in the present and focus on aspects of your life that you have control over right now and try not to think too far ahead. And just take it one small step at a time. Seek help if you need it and don’t give up on the happy ending.

Bestselling author and presenter, Bruce Feiler’s TED talk on Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at any Age, is well worth watching and gives some really great insights into life as we know it and how to transition through times of change. Watch it here.

If you think that you are not coping and it is all becoming overwhelming, please do seek professional help, talk to your GP - they will be able to help you. Or you can seek help from Healthline on 0800 116 116 or find more resources on their website here. 

If you need someone to talk to or a pastoral visit, please contact Jo Cotton at jo@stbarnabas.org.nz or via phone 351 7064.