Fear of failure is one of the biggest reasons why people do not pursue their dreams. Imagine what you would do if you knew you could not fail?

History is full of powerful examples of ordinary people who have achieved extraordinary things as a result of their convictions and self-belief. New Zealand has numerous examples of extraordinary achievements - Kate Sheppard, the leader and main figurehead of the suffragist movement in New Zealand – the first country in the world to grant universal adult suffrage to men and women equally.

Jean Batten was the manifestation of triumph and hope against the odds through the dark days of the Depression making the first-ever direct flight between England and New Zealand.

More recently, Prof Jane Harding who juggles being both a practicing doctor and an academic specialising in ailments related to early births. Her perseverance led to a groundbreaking cure for low blood sugar in babies, greatly reducing infant mortality worldwide.

These stories highlight the power of overcoming the fear of failure – being brave enough to step outside of your comfort zone, daring to dream and take risks to reach your goals.

I recently questioned a group of students on how they would react if a friend came to them stressed and nervous, sharing their thoughts of failure, that they weren’t smart or good enough to succeed. The girls were quick to respond that they would volunteer support and encouragement for their friend, offering words of praise and reassurance. This is fantastic, but too often young people do not act as a friend to themselves. They allow negative self-talk and fear to determine their actions, falling into a trap of self-deprecation, with counter-productive thoughts holding them back from embracing challenges.

According to sports psychologist Dr Jack Singer, we say 55,000 words a day, over 70 percent of which are negative, self-defeating messages to ourselves. Yet, he says people with more positive self-talk have been shown to:

• live longer,

• perform better in academics and sports,

• experience less stress and depression,

• recover better from illness,

• have better health outcomes overall.

As a school community, we need to encourage our girls to be their own biggest supporters and cheer themselves on. As parents, you can assist by keeping an eye out for counter-productive thought patterns in your daughters:

• perfectionism, and unrealistic expectations

• catastrophising, (expecting the worst)

• self-blaming, (it’s all my fault), or always blaming others, ignoring other possible causes

• over generalising, (it always happens to me)

• ‘all or nothing’ thinking, one thing goes wrong so they throw in the whole towel

Assist your daughter to turn these negative thought patterns around by encouraging them to listen to those thoughts, evaluate them and realise they are holding them back. Then remind them what they would say if it was their best friend that was feeling this way, and how to replace those negative thoughts, worries or fears with confident thoughts.

It’s fantastic SMC girls are quick to support one another. It creates an atmosphere of support and respect across the school, one where young women are encouraged to try new things, to step outside of their comfort zones and feel the thrill of conquering their fears. Together, let’s continue to challenge our students to think positive thoughts, and be the best friend to themselves.