The challenges of being a young man

As adults, we know from experience that life is full of uncertainties and times when high stakes decision making is needed often within tight timeframes. In this editorial, I want to shift the attention from teenagers as a group, to young males.

There is no doubt in my mind that it can be challenging being a young man in our current world. Young men in New Zealand often seem to be in the news for all the wrong reasons – suicide, drunkenness, dangerous driving, drugs, crime, violence, and sexual assault. Young men naturally are statistically more vulnerable than their female counterparts. It is very easy to criticise them, but there are significant underlying challenges for our young men. They live in a world where the pressures of influences in social media are diverse, uncontrolled, constant, and often seemingly without a moral compass. The concept of right and wrong, truth and untruth seems to have become blurred, and claims of fake news, personal choice, individual rights, over-indulgent parenting, cultural acceptance and blurred gender distinctions have created an environment where it is hard for young people to know quite what to believe. They are in many cases, immersed in an existential world without clearly defined moral boundaries and truth.

They are told they will have 15 jobs in a lifetime but for some, they are so anxious or unsure about what their first one will be like. They are told that qualifications are needed and without them, success and financial security will elude them and yet they read of unemployed graduates. As parents and teachers, we naturally want our sons and boys to succeed; to be the best they can be; to try a range of activities; to find their passion and to build a diverse portfolio with which to seek admission to the best university courses, teams or job. While well-meaning, this expectation too can add to the pressure on some of our young men.

Then there is the traditional pressure on men in New Zealand to be ‘a man’; athletic, tough, staunch; to be popular with girls and to have what is deemed to be a desirable well paid job. Given this, is it any wonder that young men, in increasingly large numbers, are feeling high levels of anxiety and uncertainty about the future? Or that they seek to hide those insecurities in binge-drinking, drug use, anger, dangerous behaviours, ill-advised humour, or by simply withdrawing into themselves. Sadly, this pattern is all too visible in adults as well. The overall statistics for New Zealand men in education, crime, suicides, depression and drug addiction are all much higher than for women. The sad fact that one of the few statistics men have a positive lead-in is representation in Parliament and that has not done much for the plight of men either!

There are of course many success stories and bright lights on the horizon. The likes of Mike King and Sir John Kirwan are seeking to raise awareness of issues around men’s mental health and the male psyche. In the education sector, our church schools do their very best to offer an alternative, to stand against the tide and to represent a belief structure; that has a focus on ‘we’ rather than ‘I’; that pushes a view that life does have meaning and purpose, that there is a standard of right and wrong; that there is a moral imperative to live a life that is not selfish. We hopefully are promoting a life that considers the best for others as well as ourselves; that demands a sense of responsibility for people and our planet; that offers a way to fill that epidemic of emptiness and purposelessness that seems to be spreading. A message derived from such a faith-based platform looks not only to success through academic effort, sporting endeavour, and artistic performance, but challenges young men to be men of good character; who genuinely strive to exhibit courage, integrity, respect, kindness, humility, and service. Our aim is for them to become individuals who will strive to find success, significance, and purpose in their lives. For wellbeing is not just helping to bandage up the hurts, fears, conflicts, and insecurities. It must be more and help provide something deeper, something real and which brings a sense of purpose and deep satisfaction into lives.

Special Character schools are special because they offer something different, something of purpose, hope, and meaning in a confusing world, where at times, it can be hard to find the genuine answers on offer. Males throughout history have been proven successful risk-takers. Why not as schools harness this desire to push boundaries by creating an environment where there are high aspirational expectations. The news about young males certainly is not all bad. With guidance, encouragement, and structure, we feel confident that our St Paul’s young men will rise positively to a challenge put before them.