From Marcelle: My first question is “How are you doing?”

Lockdown has been hard on everyone. I know that to begin with, there was possibly a bit of excitement, mixed with apprehension and anxiety, as we started something that we had no experience of and certainly no frame of reference. It was a little bit like the idea of a bonus holiday for some – but then “lockdown” really did start to feel like “locked up” and I know for many of you, both parents and students, it hasn't exactly been easy.

As a school, our main interest is of course the students and how they are getting on. Very much tangled up with that is how things are at home for the whole family, because we know that plays such an enormous and important role in how our young people do at school and how they thrive, or struggle in a variety of ways. So my question at the start is a very real one.

Please look after yourselves. It's the most important thing we can do for our children.

Our young people right now are experiencing some things that are extremely unfamiliar to them. For some girls at school, this will be especially hard – the ones who have had to cancel sports trips or competitions that they have worked years for in order to compete, or the girls who had exchanges planned, or who were looking forward to school formals or dances or music competitions... the list goes on.

And then of course there are the girls who just loved being at school! That familiar, happy routine, the friends and teachers who contributed to their day of interesting banter and learning.

So it's hardly surprising that many girls are struggling to feel good right now. In fact, it's very very normal if you've noticed that your daughter isn't her usual chipper self.

It's interesting when we think about why this might be the case – and it all comes back to our brain's survival tactics. There are three things that our brains need in order for us to feel safe and they are:

1. Attachment (relationships with key people who give us a sense of safety)

2. A sense of control

3. Positive, pleasurable experiences

So when we look at this, it makes a lot of sense why we and our children might be feeling a bit out of sorts. For our teenagers, their friends are the most important people in their lives. Parents take a bit of a hit during these years and peers take the front seat for emotional support.

So the brain is registering this lack of safe people as a threat to safety – a bit like a zebra who has been left behind by the herd. Suddenly they are extremely vulnerable!!

Then we have number two and it's not rocket science to figure out that we are all living in a state of “are we all safe, I wonder what's going to happen, and what will Trump come out with next?”

The world has been turned upside down and for many of us that can be really unsettling. It's why we like routine so much, it gives us a sense of control and predictability and why a lack of these things can cause anxiety. Not knowing what's coming up can be particularly difficult for some people.

And of course number three is something we all need to feel good. The avoidance of pain and negativity and things that give us a sense of purpose and positivity. So many girls have lost the things they loved to do most or were looking forward to and again, the brain sees this as a threat to safety.

Currently all three of the things the brain needs to feel safe have taken a massive dive, so with that comes anxiety – either a little or a lot and then after a while of feeling like that, still lacking important connections, control and pleasure, we start to feel a bit down and then we can lose motivation and on it goes.

So if you have noticed this in yourself or in your young person, think of those three areas and acknowledge the grief and the loss that is happening at the moment. So many things and people are missing from our lives. Take a moment to allow yourself to notice what comes up in those three areas for you or your daughter/son. There's bound to be a lot.

Over the next couple of weeks see if you can make a concerted effort to fill the empty buckets in other ways – recreate things, or at least acknowledge what might be difficult and sad right now.

Resilience is a word we throw around like confetti, but here we are in the midst of creating some. The thing that comes out of adversity, so I guess for that, we have to be grateful.

Take care everyone and remember to remind your brains that you are safe. Just saying that to ourselves makes an enormous difference.

Marcelle Nader-Turner

Counsellor