Message from the Counsellor

Self-compassion is a term that is easily misunderstood and at times equally hard to do. It’s often seen as being selfish, or weak and it’s frequently thought of as being the same thing as self-esteem. However self-esteem and self-compassion are two very different things. Self-esteem is an evaluation, or judgement of our self-worth. A comparison between ourselves and others where we strive to feel better than those around us. It has some fairly strong links to ego and we all know that can get us into some strife with how we manage things.

A lot of nasty social behaviour comes from trying to make our self-esteem better – bullying, putting others down, gossiping, all of them are us trying to find a self-esteem boost.

Self-esteem is there for us when things are good, when we do well, get a good grade or a compliment. But what about when we fail, or don’t get chosen for a team or position, or are bored or lonely? The fair-weather friend that self-esteem is vanishes and we are left with our often harsh and hurtful inner critic.

But bring in self-compassion and we’re dealing with an entirely different experience and outcome. Firstly self-compassion is reliable, it’s a type of self-worth, but without the judgement. It allows us to acknowledges our flaws as humans, make mistakes, feel sad, bored, lonely and confused and know that not only are we experiencing a common human event which is shared by millions of people across the world, all at the same time, but one that we can hold gently and kindly, giving ourselves the kind of care that we would give to a dear friend or loved one.

So if you are struggling, try this in a quiet space. Put your hand on your heart for added value 

This is a moment of suffering and suffering is a part of life.

Other people feel this way and I am not alone.

We all struggle in our lives.

May I give myself the compassion that I need

May I learn to accept myself as I am

May I forgive myself

May I be strong.

May I be patient

(Kristin Neff)

You might find the September self-compassion attached a helpful reminder. Something for the fridge maybe!!