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What is bullying ..?

Toni Jarmin —

Bully Free Week (14-18 May) has been a great chance for us to revisit school protocols around bullying. As teachers, we know we are very fortunate to work with such positive, friendly and co-operative children.

This is not to say that our young people do not make mistakes. At times they make poor choices, act impulsively or try to resolve disputes in inappropriate ways. We are clear about our school position on these matters and always support our children to deal with any conflict with others appropriately. 

It’s easy to assume everyone knows what bullying is. But often the term bullying is used to describe other aggressive behaviour. This can make it hard for schools, parents and whānau, and the wider community to consistently identify and deal with bullying when it happens. Most widely-accepted definitions of bullying are based on four elements: bullying is deliberate, harmful, involves a power imbalance, and has an element of repetition.

Defining Bullying

Whether bullying is physical, verbal, or social (relational), four widely-accepted factors can be used to identify it:

  • Bullying is deliberate - harming another person intentionally
  • Bullying involves a misuse of power in a relationship
  • Bullying is usually not a one-off - it is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated over time
  • Bullying involves behaviour that can cause harm - it is not a normal part of growing up.

Bullying can happen anywhere, in person or online (cyberbullying), at any time, and can be verbal, physical or social (relational). It can be obvious or hidden.

What is not bullying?

Bullying is a word often used to describe behaviour that is not actually bullying — not all verbal or physical aggression is bullying. For example:

  • a one-off fight or argument, or difference of opinion between friends where there is no power imbalance and they can sort it out between themselves
  • not liking someone or a single act of social rejection
  • one-off acts of meanness or spite
  • isolated incidents of aggression, intimidation or violence
  • using sexist or racist terms but doesn’t mean to cause harm
  • theft: taking someone else’s things once is theft but not necessarily bullying.

These other behaviours may be just as upsetting and serious, but may need to be dealt with in a different way. You will need to use your judgment to decide whether or not a specific incident is bullying.

Is it bullying, fighting or hassling? 

Often the term bullying gets used to describe other behaviour, such as hassling between friends which sometimes can go a bit far, or an aggressive reaction from a student who has been involuntarily provoked by another. Here are some key questions which help show the difference between bullying, fighting and hassling.

Download MOE160301 StaffAct2 What is bullying2 [81 KB, pdf]

Further information can be found at :  https://www.bullyingfree.nz/