Every parent knows how important friends are in helping children settle into school because of the fun of playing and learning together and the support friends provide.

Below are some ways children get to know each other. The more you can practice these in your relationship with your child the closer will be their friendships with other children.

Sharing humour, which is a special feature of close friendships.

Sharing fantasy and pretend play which allows friends to talk about themselves.

Sharing information by taking and asking about toys, surroundings and so on.

Sharing activities, games and rhymes.

Talking clearly to be easily understood, particularly linking what they say to what the other child has said.

Talking about themselves, how they feel, what they think, and what they have done, and getting others to talk about themselves.

Talking about similarities and differences in what they are like and do.

Gossiping which encourages belonging to a group.

Sorting out conflict by being polite, explaining how they feel and giving reasons.

Co-operating, agreeing more than disagreeing, seeing the other person’s point of view, being able to wait for what they want.

BUILDING FRIENDSHIP SKILLS

How popular your child will be mainly depends on how nice they are to others by giving smiles, praise, comfort and help. Children need help to learn to play together - it doesn’t just happen. Friendship skills are best developed by the following:

Giving your child the chance to pair up regularly with the same “special” friend.

• Teaching your child how to approach others or join a group by, for example, suggesting they should show a toy to another child.

• Teaching your three or four-year-old how to join a group by standing near the group, watching for a while to find out what they are doing, going around the group before moving into the area and starting to do what they are doing, alongside, not necessarily with them.

• Developing problem-solving skills with your child by talking about things like causes, consequences, particularly about problem situations. Helpful questions include—“else could you have done?”, “what might have happened if…?”, “what would you do if…?”.

• Looking out for any chance to get your child involved with other children.

• Encouraging your child to join other children rather than stay with you in social situations.

• If your child doesn't have a friend, finding one for them. Invite another child home and supervise their play to start with, stepping in discreetly to sort out any problems.

• Always allowing and helping your child show their feelings, particularly anger, in an appropriate way. Don’t confuse this with cheek.

• Welcoming any talk about feelings and discouraging keeping things to themselves. It is often helpful to give your child's feelings a name!

• Talking about and making sense of other people's’ behaviour is also important.

• Giving them a say in decision making.