Anne Kennedy explains how adults can engage with children in nurturing their spirituality.

Having children, grand-children and young people in our lives is a great blessing. We are wholehearted in nurturing them so they grow to be healthy in every way. We do all we can to care for them and respond to their needs. One of the aspects of nurture I am particularly interested in is children’s spirituality, their taha wairua, and how we can recognise and nurture it.

The spiritual lives of children and young people has become a focus of research here in Aotearoa New Zealand and internationally over the last few decades. Despite the differing directions and settings of research projects, findings show that there are spiritual characteristics and spiritual qualities shared by children and young people.

Understanding Spirituality

What do we mean by “spirituality”? Theologian Neil Darragh gives a useful description: spirituality is “the combination of beliefs and practices that animate and integrate our lives”. It is like the atmosphere in which we grow.

Using Everyday Language

One interesting research finding is that all children express themselves in spiritual ways regardless of whether they belong to a religious tradition or not. Whereas once we may always have used religious language to express our spirituality — like some of our traditional prayers — we are now doing so using a greater breadth of expression. Children may speak of the awe they feel or inspiration someone gives them in everyday language.

Of course the spiritual traditions of denominations and faiths continue to be widely practised and used to nurture children in the family’s spirituality. But it is clear that in our increasingly secular societies, spirituality is being understood and interpreted in a wider frame and it can be applied to non-religious and religious spiritual expressions.

Shared Characteristics

The research shows that there are characteristics of spirituality common to the everyday lives of children. These characteristics can be seen through children’s growing awareness of their identity, through the ways they make meaning in their lives, through their sense of belonging and connectedness to their family whānau, their land and culture, through their values and beliefs and through the ways they live in relationship with themselves, with others, Earth and for some, with God. All of these aspects of spirituality can be interpreted outside or within a religious framework.

I know of one child who received a necklace as a birthday gift from a loved one — too special and personal to be shown to just anyone, she wears it under her clothes. Another has a sort of sacred place on top of his dresser where a collection of his most special things — a train ticket, letter from Nana, Baptism certificate — are kept separate from the general clutter.

Adults to Be Attuned

Educationalist Maria Montessori spoke of children as “spiritual embryos” to be nurtured and cared for by people around them. Once adults are attuned to all that spirituality encompasses, they can help children to understand what it means in the context of their spiritual life journey. Children need help to make meaning of their everyday relationships and to express who and where they belong.

Knowing adults who are sensitive to this spiritual dimension helps childen to understand their identity and connectedness with their family, whānau, school, community, the Earth, their land and for some the Divine. Children navigate these experiences in their own way, in their own time with the guidance of adults who recognise and affirm their spiritual characteristics and qualities.

Children may seek out adults who are alert and sensitive when they want to share something from their spiritual world. They sense: “Here is someone who values this special part of who I am.” It is often only by reflection that adults recognise that a child’s comment was really a glimpse of their soul. It may be when they shared their awe and wonder or showed empathy to another. These are privileged moments to be treasured.

Responding to Children

By actively listening and encouraging children to talk more about their experiences, letting them lead the conversation, we can respond to them. Children need to feel they are free to check out their ideas and that they are being taken seriously. Like all of us, children are looking for openness and guidance — or just the attention of a sensitive adult. We know how life-giving these interactions can be in our lives.

Myriad Ways of Expression

Children often speak in emotive, sensitive and sacred language when sharing spiritual experiences. Some may express their ideas through art or writing. Many show interest in stories about dreams, visions, mystery and what is real and unreal.

Children’s spontaneous acts of gentleness, caring, compassion, sharing, fairness, encouragement, inclusion of others, initiative, responsibility, humour, fun and joy are expressions of their inner spirit. We need to recognise these valuable personal traits as the child’s spirituality. They are qualities that are helping to create a better world. We need think only of the way young people are responding to the concern for the environment and Earth as their common home as an example.

Adults' Own Spirituality

By nurturing their own spirituality we adults are forming our capacity to nurture children’s spiritual lives. We have similar spiritual characteristics and qualities to children which we express in adult ways. Attuned with our spiritual antennae we can re-cognise, to know again in a new way, how children express their spiritual ideas. And attending to what children say helps us to interpret what they are saying at a spiritual level.

By being alert to children’s spiritual expressions, we can affirm them and point out that what they are saying and doing shows what a caring person they are growing into. We can share with children something of our own spiritual experiences, which shows them that we mutually understand what they are talking about. We might suggest that children write or draw about their experiences and share them with others. Teachers often use children’s questions to initiate class kōrero about spiritual ideas. Their questions are good indicators of the vibrancy of children’s spiritual lives.

Discussing through Stories

Another way to start a spiritual dialogue is through children’s literature — particularly from New Zealand or the country of the child — in which are stories with spiritual themes. These stories identify, affirm and nurture the spiritual characteristics the children are growing in. Such readings help to generate questions and discussion. They can also encourage children to pray, sing and share how they recognise the Spirit’s presence.

We can learn from the way children are aware of the Spirit. And while we are learning to nurture children’s spiritual lives we are also attending to the Spirit in our own life, in our family, community and in the world. It can be through the spiritual awareness of children that we awake again to the ever-revealing mystery of life and love.

Tui Motu Magazine. Issue 246 March 2020: 12-13