When I started at St Patrick’s College in Wellington in 1960 the Vice-Rector was Fr Frank Durning SM. Before coming to St Patrick’s, Durning was Rector of St Patrick’s College at Silverstream. Reports of his abuse activities at that college have been published since in the New Zealand media.

While all New Zealand priests enjoyed considerable status in the early 60s, Durning had more status than most. As well as being Vice-Rector, he was the spiritual director to the students. And while he taught at the college he also lectured in history at Victoria University of Wellington.

In his role of spiritual director Durning called individual students to his room to tell them the “facts of life”. At one point in my second year Durning called me to his room. The appointment was for after he had celebrated Benediction one Friday. The abuse began immediately I entered his room. I quickly became uncomfortable with what was happening. I pulled myself away from him and ran out of the room.

The incident left me quite confused. Here was a “holy priest” involving himself in inappropriate actions. How could it be that he was responsible for the actions he performed against me? I was an immature teenager and decided that it must have been my fault.

Only years later when I found the courage to reflect on what had happened could I acknowledge that I had contributed nothing to our encounter other than to comply with the priest’s request.

Effect on My Life

So, what was the effect? The personally disabling impacts were many and lasting. For example, my trust in priests was eroded. I wondered if the clergy really believed in what they were preaching regarding moral issues or anything else. For a short period I questioned my own sexual identity. I found all these issues too much to cope with, so I parked them in the “attic” of my mind and tried to ignore them. It was Bishop Geoffrey Robinson’s book Confronting Power and Sex in the Catholic Church that gave me the “attic” image and the understanding of the experience on me. I kept them “parked” for over 30 years. Looking back now I can see that the “attic” was affecting me even though I was unconscious of it at the time.

In the 90s a family connection rang me mid-week suggesting that we go for a social hour the following Saturday. I went along. The subject of sex abuse in the Church came up and my family connection told me how he was abused as were most of his brothers including the brother married to a sister of my wife. I told my wife the “news” when I got home. Not surprisingly, we were both upset.

And at that time clerical sex abuse was beginning to be reported in the world media. Bishop Thomas Gumbleton of the Archdiocese of Detroit spoke out about his own experience of being abused. For some reason Bishop Gumbleton’s statement gave me “permission” to acknowledge to my wife and family that I had been abused. As more cases of clerical sex abuse came to light I became more open about my own abuse and began to share it — with anyone. All the while anger grew inside me.

Taking Hold Again

Then 10 years ago the issue of sex abuse came up as I was talking to my friend Robert after Mass one Sunday. I told him that I had been abused.

A couple of weeks later Robert invited me around for a coffee. I greatly respect Robert as do many others so was pleased to meet up. After getting our coffees Robert explained that while he had not been sexually abused, he had other issues that he had to deal with. Those issues needed the help of good clinical psychologists, and after counselling he was able to come to terms with his problems. He recommended that I get therapy for myself. He said also that resolving his issues enabled him to be “free”. Robert advised me to report the offending to the Marist Order so that the abuse was on the record. I took Robert’s advice on both counts and I am very grateful to him.

Soon after I reported the issue to the deputy-head of the Society of Mary I started psychotherapy. After months of regular sessions I was able to finally “flush” Durning out of my life. At that point I understood what Robert meant when he said that the therapy had made him “free”. I felt liberated and was able to let my anger go and start living differently.

I’m writing this in the hope that others who have been abused may find the strength to come forward to put their experience on the record and particularly to get psychological help. My own experience of engaging with therapy has benefitted me beyond what I could ever have imagined.

Tui Motu magazine. Issue 245 February 2020: 10

NOTE: If you or someone you know has been abused by a Catholic priest or member of a religious congregation, we urge you to seek counselling and healing.
You do not have to report the abuse to the Church, but if you do the Church will take your story seriously — even if you prefer to remain anonymous, and even if the abuse happened many years ago.
Your call will be taken with sensitivity and confidentiality.
If you'd like to make a complaint please contact our National Office of Professional Standards: 0800 114 622 or prof.standards@nzcbc.org.nz