ARTICLE: Prayer and Living Fully
I had a major relapse with Crohn's disease in August 2014. Crohn’s is a chronic inflammatory bowel disease that affects the lining of the digestive tract. It can cause abdominal pain, diarrhoea, weight loss, anaemia and fatigue. Some people may be symptom-free most of their lives, while others, like me, have severe chronic symptoms. I’d had Crohn’s for 15 years.
There is no cure for Crohn's disease. Over the years I’ve had multiple medications, such as steroids and immunosuppressants, to slow the progression of the disease. Initially most of the drugs worked well, but eventually my body rejected them. At the time of the relapse I had exhausted my options for medication and in April 2015 I went with my husband to meet with a colorectal surgeon at the Auckland Colorectal Centre.
I was at the lowest point in my life. I was bleeding from my intestines and in constant pain. I had lost my appetite and even feared drinking water. I suffered diarrhoea every time I ate —diarrhoea so bad that I had started wearing adult nappies.
I was a young woman in an old woman’s body. Around me my peers were fulfilling their dreams, while I felt stuck. Emotionally, physically and spiritually I was lost without hope. I felt I was merely breathing, not living.
Nearly half of those with Crohn’s disease end up having some form of surgery. I spoke with a surgeon who described a procedure but it meant that I would have a colostomy, a permanent bag, for the rest of my life. He was offering me a solution, but I walked out of the building and sat crying in the car. I felt inconsolable. I had relied on a medical intervention but it held no comfort.
At that time my parents and my sister visited Mary MacKillop Place in Sydney and prayed at the tomb of Saint Mary MacKillop, Australia’s first saint. They encouraged me to ask her to pray for me. I was sceptical as I had already prayed for healing from many saints and my prayers had been unanswered
But something about Mary MacKillop began to draw me to her. She had had a hard life: I could see the parallels with my own life. She was an educator, something I aspired to be in the tertiary sector. Her words, to help anyone in need, resonated with me and I made a solemn promise to her that if she helped stabilise my Crohn’s (which at this point saw me running to the toilet 20 times a day) and make me well, I would never see a need without trying to remedy that need.
The following year, 2016, I could see a change in my health and mindset. My body began to heal. I graduated from eating a few spoonfuls of cooked rice, boiled chicken or fish with boiled kumara to being able to digest fruit and vegetables — the first time for a decade. My fear of eating faded and mealtimes became enjoyable. And I started to make plans for the future.
My illness had affected my family. My husband and two daughters had experienced the ups and downs of my disease in their lives. But in 2018 we planned a family holiday to the USA for six weeks. It was the trip of a lifetime that took us all over the country.
During this time my illness was completely under control. I was pain free and able to eat without having to be on the lookout for the nearest toilet to rush to. In earlier years I had looked at travel destinations in magazines and had resigned myself to never being able to travel to even a few of the places before I died. So, as I stood in the wonders of Yosemite and Zion National Park, I felt real gratitude. Every fibre of my being thanked God for helping and healing me. My life felt worthwhile.
I wanted to write about my experience to inspire others going through hardship and pain to know that there is light at the end. It may not come when we want or ask for it. I waited a long time but in that time I was blessed with some truly amazing friends who stood by me and were my strength when I was weak. My Mum is my rock. She has a deep faith and she hoped and prayed even when I could not. I thank her for bringing Mary MacKillop into my life.
Last year I visited Mary MacKillop Place with my family and prayed at Mary’s tomb. It was an emotional journey but my tears were of joy. Mary had answered my prayer and given me new life. Now I am dedicating myself to doing the things she would be doing if she was alive today.
Audrea Warner is a wife, mum and a Professional Teaching Fellow at the University of Auckland, where she helps shape the business leaders of tomorrow.
Tui Motu Magazine. Issue 248 May 2020