Hello Underdale community,

Can you believe we are in term 4 of 2025?!

Term 2 and 3 felt like a tough and at times never ending obstacle course of illnesses, other people going on holidays whilst continuing to juggle the demands of work and home life and attending to the needs of our kids.

It is term 4 and my 12-month energy tank is running low - and many people are voicing the same thing to me.

When we are tired, we are less likely be our best selves when interacting with other people.  A good reminder that we are human and mistakes happen. However, if we don’t acknowledge our actions, it can strain the relationships we value and care about.

I recently became aware that there are 5 types of apologies. Similar to the 5 love languages (see https://5lovelanguages.com/learn ), each one of us tends to have an apology preference. Knowing this can be super helpful when we need to repair a rupture (fancy way to refer to an argument) in our relationships.

1.      Expressing Regret

This apology focuses on acknowledging that we messed up with no excuses. We express how we feel disappointed, regretful etc for our behaviour/s and the impact on the other person.

“I am so sorry for shouting at you, I am embarrassed at how I spoke to you and I am truly sorry”.

2.      Accepting Responsibility

This is acknowledging your responsibility for your actions and not trying to explain or justify your behaviour.

“ I take full responsibility for forgetting to pay the phone bill and I am sorry.  It was my fault for not checking the due date. Sorry for the confusion and disruption it had on you”.

3.      Making Things Right (restitution)

This apology turns to the other person and asks them what they would like to happen. It gives the other person their input to how the problem can be solved.

“I am sorry for forgetting our date night. I know that sorry is not enough. How I can I make things right? What can I do to make it up to you? “

4.      Genuinely Repenting (planned change)

Expressing in your apology actions you will take towards positive change.

“ I am truly sorry for being late to our meeting and how it disrupted your day. I will make an effort to make sure I get to our meetings on time by using my alarm and not booking meetings back-to-back”.

5.      Requesting Forgiveness

If the action you are apologising for is a repeat action or serious, it may require time for the other person to accept an apology, therefore asking for their forgiveness is important.

“I am so sorry for sharing private information you had shared with me. It was totally not okay and I have no excuse. I hope you can forgive me?

I know that I will need to earn your trust back”.

A sincere apology is a precious gift.  It tells the other person they are valued and respected and paves the way for genuine repair and reconciliation.

Consider having a conversation with a friend or partner and ask them which apology they would prefer. Next time you are apologising, consider which type of apology the other person would prefer. You could include 1 or 2 apology types into your apology and notice which part has the most impact.

As the saying goes,

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
― Benjamin Franklin

 Wishing you all a smooth finish to the school term. 

As always, I hope this letter is helpful and gives you something to think about and do differently.

See you next year,

Helen Siasios

School Mental Health Practitioner

School Mental Health Service