During this writing lesson Room 23 continued to add impact to our writing by using our senses and a technique called the "zoom in model".  We zoom in on specific features to add detail to our writing so that the reader gets a clear picture in their minds.  Room 23 did an awesome job and these children were proud of their efforts and wanted to share their writing with you.  I'm sure you'll agree they did an awesome job.

I glance over onto the bloody wasteland called no man's land and notice a lush green tree stand out from the rubble and debris that now scatters the battlefield. Branches of all shape and sizes span out like an optical illusion. I begin to stare into the grey sky as smoke and flames begin to rise from the ground, as if the devil himself had sent a powerful curse on the demented landscape.  I begin to splutter and cough as a westerly breeze reveals a hatred rock , dust and smoke flushes into my nose and eyes.  By Aston

I looked around the rocky trenches.  The rocks had bullet holes and were coated with a dust.  Gun shells sprawled all over the dusty grass.  Moss and bark in gaps between the rocks.  I see one lush tree in the horizon with flourishing leaves.  One bird chirps in the tree showing new life.  Rocks behind the tree with a snake in the shade, hiding from the scorching sky and sun.  By Finn

I can hear bombs hitting the surface and rattling the rock beneath my feet.  I can see my men praying. I feel rage as my friends drop dead to the floor along with mud and dirt flying everywhere. I smell smoke from the fire and rotting bodies. I taste the dirt in my mouth from where the explosion knocked me over. By Lani

I can see the dusty bomb stricken city that once great and mighty.  I can hear the guns bombarding and echoing the doomed landscape.  I can feel the dusty, crumbing rock that had bullets engraved onto it.  I can smell the rusty smell of a rifle, it reeks of brave men's blood.  By Sebi

Across no mans land a peaceful soldier sits below a tree.  He looks up and see branches full of creased, dust encrusted leaves.  Spindly twigs lie scattered across the crater filled ground.  Rocks scattered everywhere.  As he sits quietly he smells rotting meat, probably rats.  He sees the glowing red, orange bright ball of fire coming over the tall hills, about to light up the world ready for another day of fighting. By Gemma

I see a long, thin trench packed with starving, depressed soldiers. All I hear is the shuffling of soldiers and the ticking of a watch, until a strong ring of a whistle echoes down the long dusty trench.   I feel a drip of greasy sweat slide down my forehead like a small waterfall.  Everyone jolts up in fear.  I grip the rough wooden ladder and clamber up to the surface.  i then swipe the dust off my khaki green coat and find my way to the centre of the long strip of soldiers.  I feel the crunch of gravel underneath my boot.  The long snake of soldiers makes its way to an outstretching field surrounded by bushy towering pine trees.  I turn my head slightly and out of the corner of my eye I see the shadow of a human like figure.  I blink and the figue disappears.  I grip my rifle but it slips due to my sweaty hands.  I  hear the soft chirp of crickets scattered beneath the thick grass.  The peaceful sound fills my brain until BANG, BANG! The two men behind and infront of me drop to the ground. I do the same just as a screaming bullet barely misses my cheek.  I try to whisper something  to the man next to me.  My jaw tremble as if there was an earthquake.   I notice a gaping bullet wound with blood squirting out of it. 

By Max