Tēnā koutou, Malo e lelei, Tālofa lava, Bula vinaka, Good afternoon.

As I flicked through a School News magazine one evening last week, I was drawn to an article titled ‘The similarity between children and bamboo’. Curious, I began reading and I was pleased that I did. Despite its enigmatic title, the article summed up perfectly one of the quandaries that we as educators have with the young people we teach in this modern era. Famously, bamboo plants don’t produce a single shoot for five years, but then they spring up to 90 feet tall in two months and this metaphor can aptly be applied to our young women.

Pertinent to our WGHS goals of pursuing personal excellence and nurturing wellbeing, the focus of the article was on self-esteem and how, in this day and age, we seem to have forgotten that at the heart of building self-esteem, is the need to work hard, face challenges, fail, pick ourselves up and try again – and again and again – until success comes. Self-esteem does not come from praising mediocrity, which these days it is commonly perceived to do; rather it grows from recognition of personal effort and achievement.

The article points out some of the biggest mistakes that we can make as parents and educators: firstly, solving our young people’s problems rather than giving them a chance to overcome problems themselves. Life is uncomfortable sometimes and we have to learn how to manage these times. The best thing we can do is be supportive and teach strategies that encourage persistence and resilience for these tough times. Otherwise, these become the overprotected children - spoiled, lacking confidence, avoiding new challenges, helpless. Secondly, allowing young people to be the victim, blaming others for their actions or lack of action. We must ‘hang tough’ - be fair, positive and human but insist on their responsibilities being met and placing natural consequences in place if they are not. This fosters commitment, tenacity, and perseverance which in turn fosters achievement which is fundamental to self-worth.

It is a fine line we as parents and educators walk between developing real independence and not placing too much responsibility on our young people. Every day we must walk the tightrope of fostering their individuality and creativity, while at the same time inculcating core community values that will ensure they are one day citizens who are caring, giving and proud to work hard. For teenagers, who can at times be described as challenging and frustrating, we can, and need, to be both supportive and demanding. There doesn’t have to be a trade-off between the two. It’s a common misconception that you can’t have care and respect on one hand and firmly enforced expectations on the other, at the same time. But the great news is that we can – and we must.

Self-esteem and happiness develop best as side effects of actions - of mastering challenges, working successfully, overcoming frustration and boredom, persisting and winning. To experience mastery, it is necessary to fail, to feel bad, and to try again repeatedly until success occurs. Which leads me back to the bamboo metaphor in the article. Young bamboo might not show instant growth, but with high expectations, support and patience, we will reap a bountiful harvest, helping our young women ‘spring up’ to their full potential, in their learning and their life.