If tomorrow wasn't promised, what would you give to today?
Those that work in oncology are amazing people. I have been a grateful recipient of their work in the past. I have always been in awe of their positivity and attention to the individual. They give everything to those coming in through their doors. I know that the work is exhausting and emotional, and seeing upset individuals and worried families takes its toll. If you are reading this and you work in oncology, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your understanding, empathy, care, and aroha. You are inspirational.
When I first got cancer, I was in the UK. No symptoms, no signs, and no ill health. My sister Maia rang me and said that I needed to get checked out as our dad had died of cancer at a similar age. I made an appointment at London Bridge Hospital, went in, and did some tests. I was called back the following day and was shocked to find out that I had kidney cancer and that they needed to remove my kidney urgently.
I got on the train to head back to my school in Croydon, but felt quite overwhelmed with the news. I got off at Battersea Station and went for a walk in the park to process the diagnosis. I had things to do at school and I needed to get myself sorted. I sat on a park bench and thought about all the things that I would miss if things didn't go well. Needless to say, I was tearful. I felt a hand on my shoulder and it was an older lady wearing a bright red coat and pulling a small shopping trundler. She was an Afro-Caribbean woman with coloured ribbons in her plaited hair. She said, "Son, are you alright?" I told her that I had just had a diagnosis of cancer and that it was a lot to think about. I bowed my head. She squeezed my shoulder and said, "Son, it will be okay. You will be okay." I nodded and wiped my eyes, for what only seemed like a moment. When I looked up, she was gone. I couldn't see her.
I was admitted to hospital two days later and the operation was a success.
Every year I head back to London for two weeks to catch up with friends and to look at best practice in schools. On theTuesdays in those two weeks at 11:15am, I go to Battersea Park and sit on that same bench. I sit for about an hour to see if I can see that lady again. I just want to give her a big hug and thank her for her kindness and tell her that she was right. I am okay.
I joined a group of people going through cancer and those that were in remission. It was great to hear their stories. There was a mum in the group. She had three children and was by herself. She had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, but continued to work as a cleaner and to look after her family. She always made cakes and brought them for the group. She was one of the most positive people I had ever met. She quickly became someone we all admired for her tremendous strength and resolve. A favourite comment she made to me was, "I haven't got time to cry, because if I do, I can't see all the good things in my life!"
When she passed away, her funeral was massive. I joined a trust that helped pay for her children's care and education. My contribution is small compared to her contribution to my life.
I realise that the gift that having cancer gave me was that it helped me prioritise what was important and what wasn't. It's given me a joy for living and an appreciation of being in the moment in everything I do.
A gridiron player, Ray Lewis, talked about the idea of, "If tomorrow wasn't promised, what would you give to today?" What would you tell your loved ones? What would your focus be? Where would you spend your time?
When it's sunny, I always take a moment to close my eyes and feel the sun on my face. Only for a minute. I think of all the things and people I am grateful for. I count my blessings. It is worth trying. I promise, you will be re-energised and full of positivity.
I am very fortunate that when I do that now, I have 1753 boys, a great group of staff, a really supportive board and an extended whānau of WC parents and Old Boys. I count you all in my blessings.
If tomorrow wasn't promised, what would you give to today?
Receive the light and pass it on.
Glen Denham
Headmaster