Don't take away the struggle.

Everyday my aunty would wake me up at 7am and say, "Boy can you run down to the shops for your old aunty?"

 The order would always be the same. A packet of Benson and Hedges, a 50 cent mixture of lollies and the Otago Daily Times. The shops were about a kilometre away, there and back. One morning, after I brought back her shopping, I said to her, "Aunty why do I have to go? Why can't you go?” A risky question for a 13 year old to ask his aunty. She said, "Boy, I'm old and when you are old your hands are shaky, your feet are unsteady but your mind is stable. When you are young your hands are steady, your feet are stable but your mind is shaky. Between the two of us I know what I want in my mind and you have the hands and feet to get it." I thought about that for ages. I asked my Mum about it and she said it was one of life's cruel tricks. Youth without experience and experience without youth.

I know how difficult it was for my son to follow in my footsteps. I wished that he would play any other sport rather than basketball but he loved the game and had grown up around it. He put in countless hours on the court and I would go and rebound for him, only giving an opinion when he asked for it. Despite him being far more skilled than me, I could see expectations of coaches and his team mates were always unrealistic. I watched him, with my wife, trial for a New Zealand age group representative team. I knew how much my son wanted to make that team. I was sitting in the back row of the bleachers and I thought I'd go down and say hello to the coaches and managers who I knew and let them know who my son was. It could make a difference and help him make the team. I stood up and my wife said, "You are not going down there!" I said, "Why, I'm just going to say hello." She said, "You want to make it easier for him. He has done the practice and it's up to him now. You are not going to pave the way for him; this is his journey to walk." I sat down and she held my hand. She said, "Honey, I know you want to help him and make it easier for him. If he falls, we will brush him off but that next step forward has to be his to take. He wants to do it by himself. He has to do it by himself. Don't take away that struggle from him. Just be his dad."

A wave of calmness came over me and I watched him play with a new set of eyes. I was so proud of how he had grown and what a good boy he was. I wasn't concerned about how many baskets or turnovers he made. I watched his interactions with his team mates and the obvious enjoyment and fun that he was having. I didn't care if he made the team or not. It was great being his dad.

A letter came a week later to say that he had played well and that he was a non-travelling reserve. I asked him how he felt. He said, "I'm disappointed but I'll be okay. There were lots of really good players. You are away a lot with basketball, Dad, and I was just happy that you got to see me play."

As adults we have all the experience and steady minds that my aunty told me about. Our boys have all the incredible youth and energy that being young brings. I was so proud to be a very small part of the adults that supported our boys over Summer Tournament week. I got to see our boys at National tournaments. I saw them row at the Maadi Cup, play tennis, cricket, volleyball, floorball and paddle at the waka ama nationals. Our boys gave it everything; they were stars. The other stars were our teachers that were in support, and our parents. Our parents that were watching their sons play, row or paddle were just magnificent. There was only love, no berating, yelling, demanding or unwanted advice. They were just in the background, supporting, not only their sons, but all the boys, in a way such that I wished my own sons were out there being part of that aroha.

Thank you to all the parents, grandparents, and extended whānau that made the week so enjoyable. Your beautiful way with our boys made me so proud to be a part of our community. I am incredibly grateful.

Wishing you all a great Easter break and school holiday. To our boys, thank you all for your aroha and support this term. Make sure you get outside and enjoy time with your whānau and friends. I know in my heart that together we can achieve incredible things. We are powerful beyond measure when we work together and look after each other, and those that need our help.

We can change this world for the better. We can do it! I have unshakeable faith in you.

Don't forget what I said in assembly; we want to know more than we did yesterday and to look for ways to ease another's suffering. If the words we speak were permanently etched upon our skin, how careful would we be with the words we say?

Great and exciting days lie ahead.

Receive the light and pass it on.

Glen Denham
Headmaster