We live in busy times : busily racing from one place to another, juggling work, children, home, family, friends.... There is always so much to do and seemingly never enough time to do it. And then we add more!! What are we thinking?

Do we overload our children and ourselves,  in an attempt to expose them to a wider variety of experiences, or to learn new skills, or to follow their interests, or, because we think they need an extra 45 minutes of maths a day? If we don't then do we run the risk of being seen as that uncaring parent who provides few if any extra-curricular activities? Is it wishful thinking to be able to relax after work? Is there so much to do that we can't relax? Do we fill our lives with so much activity we have no time to enjoy the moment, smell the roses, watch the clouds go by?

Children's minds are busy from the time they wake up. They are busy processing both the familiar and new bits of what they see and hear, working through the morning routine (often very hectic!!), getting their heads ready for the day ahead and with all their insecurities to boot. Even the seemingly most placid 'nothing bothers me' child will likely have a zillion little messages and thoughts, feelings, expectations and fears racing around their system. That's really hard work! And we wonder why our children can suddenly appear anxious or have a melt-down over a minor incident. 

At the end of the day children are tired. They have been on full alert all day, trying to make the best they can of each situation they find themselves in. For some it seems quite simple, for others it is totally draining.  I believe that as parents we need to remain mindful of how much we expect them to manage after school, especially if learning is hard for them.  For example : how daunting for a child if they have struggled with reading through the day and then are faced with reading another 2 or 3 books when they get home - to the very people they want to be the best and brightest they can be for. Take the pressure off.  Instead of having them read to you, you get some exciting books slightly above their reading ability and read to them. What a wonderful opportunity to spend some relaxing time together,  to explore language and ideas normally beyond the child's experience or independent learning level. One of the nicest things I see of an morning and afternoon is mums and dads spending time on the playground with their children, relaxing and enjoying that time together without pressure.

Encourage children to play, (not just in front of a device), experiment with making and creating with you in the kitchen, or go for a walk and talk about all that you see, or let them be a little bored and become inventive as to how they might solve their own boredom problem. There are many many  activities that can be classed as homework that do  not have to be a painful struggle for anyone. If maths tables need to be practised make it a game using house numbers, car plates, bill boards, anything with number on it instead of sitting at the table copying out - or even worse filling out the answers to equations they do not know. That sort of activity is not teaching them their basic facts, it is torturing them over their basic facts. 

When we first learn something we need to have the answers or examples right there in clear view, so we can learn. That's how we learnt to walk and talk, to use a knife and fork, to dress ourselves. Testing is not learning, other than to make us feel wonderful when we get 100% or really bad when we don't. I heard a lovely teacher explain that in her class she only counted the ticks, and she gave no crosses, so each day the goal was to get as many, if not more ticks - highlight the positive gains rather than honing in the the mistakes as that quickly takes away confidence to try again.

I believe the key is to find the balance between after school structured learning situations, free play, family time, guided play, competitive play and social learning groups such as guides or scouts. And keep in mind the question : Who am I doing this for?  Is it because it is what your child needs? Is it because it is what you child wants?  Is it because it is something you did not get the chance to do when you were younger? Is it because the neighbours children do it? 

An interesting article from the Early Education Sector about the dangers of overloading young children. 

And this from  Julie Robinson, the education and training director of the U.K.’s Independent Association of Prep Schools, says more importance must be placed on reflection, meditation and calm. “It is all too easy for parents to be sucked into a competitive busyness, ensuring that children are constantly occupied and stimulated,” she says. “We should not fear boredom, however. Quiet, reflective time is just as important as purposeful activity.” This is a link to the full article. 

The bliss I feel as an adult when I get home, when the pressure is off,  when I can sit on the deck and look at the garden and smile, appreciating how fortunate I am to live in the country I do - perhaps we need to encourage our children to do more of this as well. There is never a 'one size fits all' as each family is different, so getting the balance right may often be a challenge no matter how young or old we may be. 

 As always I am happy to discuss any points raised in this article. My intention is never to preach, rather it is to provoke discussion and thinking.

Ka kite ano

ja:)